the vast wasteland...

what's on MY mind?

now we all know THAT is a dangerous @$$ question...

there is never any telling what type of material my grey matter will produce...

i'm sitting here listening to fantasia's cd...it was a krimma present from that chick who occupies love den #2 of the love shack just south of the city...am loving the song 'free yourself'...carries a very detailed message for someone i met recently...singing - if you don't want me, then don't talk to me...go ahead and free yourself...was tempted to call this particular individual and play that song for him...but alas...maturity and common sense ruled out...so...i changed my mind...

i'm about to be forced to spend 5 days with two sets of my parents in florida...can't say that i'm eagerly anticipating that...but it's whatever...sometimes...you have to do that family ish and it just can't be avoided...

i think my most pressing issue right now is the 40 pounds that i lost this year...never mind that i've lost the same 10 pounds 4 times...i have PROVED that i can successfully lose a significant amount of weight...that being said...i did do at least ONE of the things that i resolved to do this year...LOSE WEIGHT...

just add water...

It's not a secret. I'm not hiding the fact from ANYONE. I am quite upfront about it when I meet others. It's not something I'm desperate for. It's not something I'm on a day-in/day out search for. It is not something that I am trying to FORCE to happen...

I do not think it's MISSING from my life. More aptly, I believe it will ADD to what is already going on in my life. It is not what i NEED to make me happy, but it is expected to make me happiER.

What is this thing that I am referring to?

A relationship.

Now, I do not want a Just Add Water relationship. You know - an instant relationship - like instant mashed potatoes or instant coffee.

Packaging: Instant Relationship - here in this package you have everything that you could want in a relationship: sharing, caring, compassion, companionship, laughter, love and a lot of GREAT SEX!!!

Directions: Just Add Water

NOT!!!

I want to take my time getting to know someone. Becoming his friend. Learning his likes and dislikes. Getting to know his moods. Listening to his dreams AND his fears. Supporting his plans. Learning his personal history. Memorizing every line of his body. Internalizing the scent that belongs to him alone. Seeing how he treats not only his mother, but the other females in his life. Listening to him carry on about his hard day at work. Watching how he handles life's trials. Finding out how he thinks. Learning how to love him.

Eventually joining with him as he inspires me to climb to greater heights,

Realizing that it takes forever to build a forever kind of love,

And with whom I can come to intimately know joy unspeakable.

ALL year round

A friend and I were having an exchange a few days ago. We were talking about how the winter season makes most who are single wish more fervently for a lover to share their life with.

I know for a fact that on cold winter mornings there is nothing like body heat to keep you at just the right temp. It's the kind of warmth that you snuggle up to and refuse to get out of bed for. It makes you want to cuddle up tighter, burying your face in his neck, inhaling his man scent and causing in your most intimate place.

Right now, I don't have any body heat in my life. Of course, I have enough volunteers for short-term assignments that I could fully staff a temporary placement agency. But I'm not looking for short-term and I refuse to settle for meaningless temporary bits of physical nothing.

Yes - I want a winter time lover, but I want him to stay through the springtime when love is in the air and then be my midsummer's night dream and I want to fall in love all over again when autumn turns the leaves colors.

house dating...(oh my...she's ranting!!!)

wanna come over?

can i come over?

no, dammit...i do not want to come to your house and you CANNOT come to mine...

i just met you...you have not invited me out for so much as an order of french fries and a dollar movie and you want to come to my house??? and that lame @$$ party at your boy's house does NOT count...

yep...you've lost it...certainly...and since you have my blog addy...let me go ahead and make this disclaimer...

don't take this personal...i'm not talking about JUST you...besides...we REALLY don't know each other...so ya' shouldn't get mad at me for being honest...

like i was saying...you are NOT the only one who's made the assumption that i want to sit inside with you and we just met...now...don't get me wrong...you do not have to take me to blue point or the atlanta grill at the ritz carlton downtown...i'm not trying to spend all of your money...but you could invite me out for coffee or appetizers or desserts or ice cream (in the summertime)...

guys don't know how to court women anymore...and it's shameful...

and i don't think i'm being too picky...but it could be why i'm single...i'm not settling...

and if the couch is the only place you want to take me...i don't wanna go...cause even if i DID let you come over...you are going to try to be all over me...with your tongue all down my throat...your hands on the SuperFriends...all the while trying to put your mouth on my clit...negro, chill with that ish...

so...for any potential suitor that runs across my blogspot...please pay attention...

Suggestions for Dates with Sea
1) Appetizers at Johnny Carino's...they have the BEST italian nachos...
2) Beignets at Huey's on Peachtree...taste JUST like the ones at cafe du monde...
3) Hot Chocolate at Cafe Intermezzo...the ambience in that place is so sophisticated...
4) Karaoke Night at Peppers...i can pretend like i'm tina turner...
5) Dessert at Cheesecake Factory...their banana cream cheesecake is to die for...
6) Dollar Movie in Fayetteville...and it's fifty cents on tuesday nights...
7) Walking in the park...Piedmont...Centennial...Grant...(summertime)...hell..bring a blanket...some sandwiches...impromptu picnic...read me some poetry while we sit under a tree and watch the children play...
8) Ice Cream at Brewster's or Dairy Queen...(summertime)
9) Just about ANY mexican place...their food is cheap as hell..and since i don't drink...
10) Apache on sunday nights...only costs 5 bucks to get in...

i mean...ain't nothin' wrong with a blockbuster night or a candlelit dinner at home or a ninetendo game night...but PLEASE...take a sister out on an inexpensive date or two...i promise...as we're getting to know each other that i'm not expecting dinner with an appetizer, a filet mignon AND dessert or tickets to the anthony hamilton set...(although...i won't turn it down...)

YOU don't know ME well enough to know if you want to spend your money on me like that...

the same way that i don't know if i want YOU my personal space like that...

ya' feel me?

six degrees...

of separation?

no...it's 6 degrees outside...or close to it...

woke up with a headache...taking a goody powder and going back to bed...

work?

damn 'em...i'm going in late...

thoughtless...you know...thought less...as in not a coherent thought anywhere near the cold dark empty space that my little people inhabit...

wise is standing here talking to me and nothing is coming...

she is so animated right now...i am totally enjoying living with wise...she is crunk all the time...but it's the end of the day...we just need to calm down and take it down a thousand...i think i come down a lot faster than she does...it's cool though...i'm going to get her into that aromatherapy...dim lights habit...we some brilliant mu'phuckas...

we were talking about the ED events for the weekend...just realized that Tu Tu Tango is like it takes TWO to Tango...absolutely effin brilliant...but alas...enough torturing with the bullhockey that runs around in my empty space...

i'm going to bed...i'm going to sleep...might love myself before i go to sleep...i like loving my myself...but i promise not to be too loud...could be pretty embarassing for wise...

and trust...this...is why i should not be blogging when i'm sleepy...

no telling what in the hell i'll say...

actually...now...i've got myself thinking...i needed some new batteries - did i get some?...

or perhaps, i could call a volunteer...

but really...i'm just going to sleep...

Never Apologize

My girl, Mia, has a blog on the AJC's website -

MisAdventures In Atlanta

This morning she posted a list of things you should never apologize for. I took it upon myself to post some random thoughts on her site about things that I felt should be added to the list. I liked the list so much, I decided to bring it here.

Made a list.

Wanna hear it?

Hear it goes:

1. Never apologize for relaxing into your natural speech patterns around your friends and family. Who are you trying to impress? Be yourself.

2. Never apologize for self-promotion. Sometimes, it’s the only way you’ll get ahead.

3. Never apologize for being single and childless. There’s more to life than getting married and having babies.

4. Never apologize for telling a person the truth about your attraction or lack thereof. If it’s not a love connection, it’s not a love connection. You don’t have to be mean about it, but you don’t have to be too nice just to be too nice.

5. Never apologize for not wanting to be around one of your friends’ friends that you do not care for. Can’t like everybody

6. Never apologize for letting people out of your life. Some people never meant you good anyway.

7. Never apologize for wanting to be number one. It’s WAY better than being number two.

8. Sometimes, it’s okay to not want to be the bigger person. H#ll, we’re not perfect. We’re allowed to have character flaws.

9. Never apologize for having multiple personalities. There is nothing wrong with being multi-faceted. (Position taken prior to professional counseling.)

10. Never apologize for being crazy. It’s okay as long as you’re not insane.

11. Never apologize for never apologizing. Sure, it will make you a lonely, friendless @$$hole that no one cares to be around. But hey, it’s your choice.

436am

don't ask...
i just am...

weekend recap...lunch on saturday with caddy guy was nice...however...i will be terminating contact with him...CLINGY...

saturday night, i was on the way home and he and i were talking...he asked me to give him a call once i got home...well...on the way home...i decided to go by my parents' house to spend some time with my mom...she was in the states this weekend, but will be going back to Korea this morning...

i didn't actually go home for another hour and a half...had left my phone downstairs while i was with my parents...came back downstairs...looked at my phone...that nut had called me 7 times in 90 minutes...

THAT is an unsettling feeling...plus already...he is TOO worried about other people i see and how i spend my time...after ONE date...damn that...

i'm not about to enter into a relationship with someone who puts up those kinds of red flags after ONE MID-DAY LUNCH...

oh..as to big negro...he was a no call/no show...i think i punked him out when i told him that i was going to bring a tape measure to see if he was lying about his dick size...

love jones...

that shit's played out like an 8 track.

when that jones come down
it comes down like a muthafucka.

this is a destiny type thing, baby.
whatcha wanna do?

you only get two. . .

love is what you make
and who you make it with.

love,
passion,
it is,
what it is.

you always want what you want,
when you want it. . . .

let me tell you something...
this here, right now,
is all that matters to me.
i love you.
and that's urgent like a muthafucka.

819 a.m.

I am DEFINITELY going to be late for work today. I should have been en route an hour ago. Oh well, can't be on time EVERY day. Besides timeliness is NOT one of my virtues which is REALLY horrible because i actually consider tardiness to be disrespectful of others' time. So, I should ENDEAVOR to increase my own on-time percentages.

I just got out of the shower and I am still wearing the infamous red robe. I'm sitting at my desk looking out of my window. It's obviously quite cold out there. There is frost on the ground this morning.

As I look a little farther up the street, um, can somebody tell me WHY at eight nineteen in the morning there are two teenagers at the bus stop in front of my house making out - in broad DAMN daylight?

but the bigger question is - WHY does that make ME feel old?

negative ain't positive....

was in walmart yesterday morning...trying to buy THAT DAMN DOG some food...somebody tell me why my debit didn't go through?...

at first...i thought it was because of the recent change in my PIN...still not to certain of the numbers...well...upon asking the clerk to run it as a credit card...it STILL came up declined...

so...with much indignation...i whipped out my cell phone to call my bank...(i KNOW i've got AT LEAST a thousand dollars in that account...)

can you picture the look of embarassment on my face when they told me that my account was overdrawn $60?...negative $60...i almost passed out...

totally all my fault, though...my mortgage check bounced last month...don't ask why....that's a-whole-nother oprah AND a lesson in a sista-just-trying-to-make-ends-meet economics...so...this month...i paid two months at one time...so...why did my mortgage company re-deposit the first check?....

okay...so...again...let the cursing begin....rackum, mackum, smackum, filth, flam, flarth and so on...

talk about something that can totally screw up ya' day...

but all is good...crisis resolved...ready for the next adventure AND the next episode of DRAMA IN AN EVERYDAY LIFE....