words i didn't say...

i am whispering...so that you can act like you can't hear me and we can say we never had this conversation...

you see...together...we decided to build this box...so that we could climb inside and shut out the rest of the world...because we wanted to find a few moments of peace...of laughter and of passion...

in this made up place...we are the only two people that matter...dancing an intentional dance leading us to an amazing place where only good things happen...a wooing process...

you are like a dream come true...consistently bringing joy into my life...you keep me dancing on clouds...

and within the walls of this fantasyland that we have created...i find myself in love...

so...i ask the question...is it real or is it just make believe?

but remember...i'm still whispering...and you're still pretending like you can't hear me...and i never spoke these words...

moving on up to the good times...

i've got too much time on my hands...obviously...

isabel sanford...mrs. jefferson...louise...weezy...did her ass have a job?...and what about helen thomas?...did she work either?...how many cleaners did george own?...HAD to have been more than one...didn't you think lionel was spoiled?...and what about ALL black jenny?...did anybody besides george ever leave the apartment?...am i the only person that thought george's momma was ugly?...i mean...i know she was old...but she was old and Fugly...translation - fucking ugly...

by contrast...you know that broke ass evans family HAD to have jobs...shit...they should have even put michael's bitxh ass on the street and let him bring in some dough...something...their asses were ALWAYS struggling...now that was real life television...not like today...do we even have any broke ass black families on television today?...i can't think of any...

and we should have at least one...at least one black family that defines the struggle...what it's like when the lights are about to get cut off....your phone gets cut off and you're happy cause that means the bill collectors can't call your ass no mo'...and you're hiding your high interest expedition from the hook man by parking it at the apartments two blocks down...and offer us some creative problem solving tips....you know...

cash all your checks at the check cashing place...it's in the neighborhood so it saves you on gas for a trip to the bank...never mind that they gon' take half ya' damn check....write a check at the payday loan office so that you can spend the next six years trying to pay back $350....get your lights turned on in your MOMMANAME....cut up sausages in ramen noodles, serve it with some red kool aid and call it a balanced meal....never get to work on time and call out sick at least three times a month....just cause your black ass ain't felt like going that day...get your money by claiming you hurt your back and get declared totally disabled indefinitely by some unscrupulous ass doctor who is working in conjunction with that shiesty ass lawyer you've got handling your bullsh it case...

we can call the show....THE NEW PLANTATION

subtitled....HOW TO KEEP YOUR BLACK ASS OPPRESSED AND IN POVERTY IN THE NEW MILLENIUM

34.5

you know...there's just something about reaching a point in your life where you learn a lot of things about yourself...you learn what does and doesn't work for you..and as long as you don't allow yourself to fall into a rut...that's a pretty cool thing...

recently...i learned something about myself...it is something that used to give me pause...made me question things about my sexual openness or lack thereof...

what is this thing?...the 69 position...i don't like it...it doesn't do it for me...like 7up...never had it...never will...

the logic that i used to use was that i couldn't concentrate...that there was too much going on...i couldn't properly enjoy what was going on for me because of what i needed to be doing...and i couldn't perform my assigned task to the best of my ability because i was being distracted by the pleasure originating in my nether regions...

and for the most part...that is quite a true statment...

but i have since reached the total conclusion on why i don't do 69...

i'm too doggone tall...

my 5'10" frame...when turned upside down...puts me at least 3 inches past where i need to be...it takes far too much contortionism to get a good angle on the dizzle...and THAT is the root of my frustration when it comes to the 69...

when the dizzle ends up somewhere near the middle of my chest...it is physically impossible to get a good bobblehead rhythm going when you're trying to put your chin down between your d cups...

so...it's official...going forward...i will be participating in no form of sexual activity that even remotely resembles a 69 position...

now...34.5...THAT's a different story altogether...

nothing short of amazing...

I know how I want to be loved. I know how I want to feel when I look into my lover's eyes and when I am wrapped in his arms.

I know the connection that I want us to have and the level of communication I expect us to share.

I know the strength of commitment that will bind us together even when we are apart.

I know how I want this man to think of me. I want him to realize that while I am imperfectly human plagued faults and shortcomings, I am the perfect compliment to all that he is and all that he aspires to be. I want a lover that finds me continually interesting, intriguing and utterly remarkable.

I want the kind of love that is renewed daily and that defines joy.

I want a love that is nothing short of amazing.