Grab Bag - $1.00

Since I have a hodge podge of thoughts rolling around in my head this morning, I'm dumping them all in a grab bag.

Feel free to donate the one dollar fee to your favorite charity.

Big Medicine - Turned to TLC during my cardio time on the elliptical. It motivated me to do an extra ten minutes.

Donny Osmond - Has a big head and it's starting to become shaped like Jay Leno's.

Night Time Grazing - my secret sin.

My scale - It's at the back of my closet calling my name, but I refuse to acknowledge it until Sunday morning at 800a.

I'm taking my grandmother out to eat tonight. She wants to go to Red Lobster on Camp Creek. So, first time ever I am going to check out the nutritional values on their menu so that I will know what I am going to order before I go. (Oh, that also means that I need to plan to be calorie light all day today.)

I am really sleepy and don't want to go work out this morning. I am attempting to motivate myself with some Johnny Cochran type rhymes (btw - I am with Denise Brown on Fred Goldman being hypocritical and money hungry when it comes to publishing that book.)

Back to the Johnny Cochran rhymes...

I'm fat, I'm fat. Working out is where it's at.

Until my jeans fit, I must not quit.

And I could think of about 20 others, but I really would just be trying to delay that which must be done.

Miracles and Blessings.

Lane Bryant Boycott

I must say it.

I HATE LANE BRYANT!!!

Or more to the point, I hate the thought that I can actually fit some of the clothes that they make.

It all started when I was in Lerner - the store that is within in my price point for clothes shopping, but that I really don't like that much because the quality of their clothes are only acceptable at best.

At any rate - I was in Lerner and some time after my last shopping trip, their extra larges had been replaced by a size that I generously refer to as extra medium. Everything that I tried on hugged my 'bad area'.

In other words, held onto my two bellies and made me look like I was about three months into carrying twins - one above my belly button and one below. (Yes, I have the infamous belly crease - which I plan on devoting an entire post to at a later date.)

I can't even begin to describe the horror of the infamous 'mushroom top' when trying to fit into a pair of their jeans. I was forced to abandon the New York store and head to other 'pastures'. (And I do intentionally say pastures because at that particular moment, I felt like a cow.)

At Lane's, I was able to find blouses with enough material in them to hide the belly rolls. However, their jeans are cut in a way that just makes me look bad-bodied.

I mean - I know I had this two stomach thing going on, but the fit of Lane Bryant jeans just wiped away any resemblence of a figure - so I refuse to buy them.

With my commitment to better lifestyle and eating choices, I am bound and determined never to go into a Lane Bryant store to shop for myself again.

Ditto for Ashley Stewart.

Crack Addict

Yep. Those Weight Watchers snack cakes have crack in 'em.

So do Krispy Kreme Donuts.

They've got to.

It's the only explanation that I can come up for the fact that I'm jonesin' for 'em.

As it stands, I'm going to have to sue Weight Watchers and Dunkin' Donuts so that I can pay for the rehab that I am inevitably going to need because of their company policy of including highly addictive ingredients in their product.

How much in punitive damages do you think I could be awarded?

Hold the MAYO?!?!?

Seriously???

Hold the MAYO?!?!?!?

The MAYONNAISE?!?!? The Sandwich Glue!!! The "A-Sandwich-Just-Isn't-A-Sandwich" stuff that advertising legends are made of?!?!?

You're kidding, right???

Okay, so, I've started eating most of my sandwiches without mayo. And Lo and Behold, I really can't even tell it's not there. Well, except for the 18million calories that go with it.

Who knew???

Sweet Shots

It's official - I hate Chili's.

It's those SWEET SHOTS!!! Dammit!!!

Last night, I had one of each not realizing that the damn things average 250 calories each. Who would think that something that comes in a shot glass would have so many damn calories?

Looking back, I am just sick. I was over on calories by 500 yesterday. If I had eaten just one (and one would have been satisfying), I would have hit my upper calorie limit spot on.

Informed eating is so important.

But - they were DEE-LISH-US!!!!

Time to Make the Donuts

I remember the Dun.kin Donuts commercial where the guy would pull himself out of bed, half asleep, totally dragging, head to work and all the while motivating himself with the chant, "Time to make the donuts."

It was made circa 19-seventy-something-or-or-was-it-early-80s-when-I-was-a-kid.

Well, that's how I feel most mornings when it's time to get up and head to the fitness center so that I can meet my personal August challenge of cardio everyday.

When I get done, I feel like I can take over the world. But - before I get started, I feel like I have ten tons of lead in my drawers.

So, I'm sitting here with ten tons of lead in my drawers and I'm typing this entry to motivate myself. Is it working? Probably not so much, but here I am, still half asleep, going to log off and drag my rear up to the fitness center and make the donuts.

BTW - making donuts is so not a good metaphor for a weight loss lifestyle change..but for me...in this case...it works...lol!!!

I Almost Died Yesterday

Just kidding.

Seriously, though - the DSL service was out in my area until sometime during the middle of last night and I could not get online.

I could not check my email. I could not pay any bills. But MOST IMPORTANT - I could not logon to SPARKPEOPLE to track my doggone calories.

I had to resort to doing things the way I did before I had the internet. I HAD to write my meals down. I was forced to watch tv. I resorted to reading a book. I HAD to take a nap because I was about to pass out from boredom.

All of that before 730p, so - as a last ditch effor to keep my mind off the internet and to keep from committing hari kari, I took our resident little person (my sweetie's 4year old) out to the playground - which, due to the heat in Atlanta was nearly life threatening in and of itself.

This morning, I danced a little jig when I was able to get up and actually not see "Cannot Find Server." (I just want you to know that if I had been able to find Server on yesterday, I would have taken him outside and beat the brakes off of him - or not.)

If I alarmed you with my blog title, please accept my sincerest apologies, but feel my pain.

Sanity has returned to my world.

Pretty Mean Sister

PMS is a monster.

Or actually, more to the point, sJea is a monster with PMS.

My sweetie has been calling me "the meanest woman in the world" all week long.

Although I really have been TRYING to not bite his head off, the little things that he does the other three weeks of the month that I manage to find adorable are really sticking my craw this week. (What does "craw" mean anyway? - I'll have to look that up.)

AnTEEways...

between being snappy and sluggish and fighting off MAD cravings and top that off with the fact that in tracking my sodium intake that i am SO far off the charts that it's crazy...

it's suffice to day that momma is not happy this week.