Gratitude - 05.28.13

Today, I am grateful for:

1. Figuring out that going down one more exit on 20W means less traffic to get to my neighborhood.

2. A boss that totally has my back.

3. A leadership team that makes my job less stressful as their manager.

Why I Gained the Weight

I recently watched the episode of Iyanla's "Fix My Life" with the Pace Sisters.  I found in interesting that Iyanla alluded to the fact that the sisters were all overweight and had issues with food because of some hidden emotional trauma and that they were "wearing their pain."

 

At one point, I was sixty pounds overweight.  In 2007, I was able to successfully lose 50 pounds and keep it off for nearly two years.  In 2009, I met my husband.  I slowly moved away from most of my healthy habits.  My nights spent playing softball became evenings spent cuddling on the couch after cooking full meals and eating something sweet as a dessert.  My mornings spent walking/running a perfect three mile route or on the elliptical in my apartment complex's fitness center turned into sleeping in and making full breakfast meals before work nearly every morning.  And I gained back 20 pounds over the last four years.  Being that I have again return to a healthier lifestyle, I found Iyanla's observation gave me pause.

 

So, I have had this interesting relationship with weight loss and healthy living for the past several years.  Seeing this episode of FML, caused me to do something that I have not ever really done before – giving some thought to the questions of why/how I gained the weight in the first place.  And I have come to a conclusion. 

 

While Iyanla's fix for the Pace sisters may make sense for them, it makes no sense for me.  You see, I was not overweight growing up.  I was active in sports and raised by a grandmother whose lifestyle was active by its very nature.  We spent our summer mornings picking fresh beans and peas in the field and our afternoons canning the morning's work.  In the winter, we had a freezer full of food locally raised and our meals were not heavy on meat.  I was active in sports.

 

In fact, I didn't gain a lot of weight until I met and started dating someone who was overweight himself in my late 20's.  I was praised for my thickening thighs and ballooning behind.  I began shopping in Lane Bryant like they were designing clothes specifically for me.  I began telling myself, "I'm not a teenager anymore.  Why would I continue to have a teenager's body?"  I spiraled from an active healthy lifestyle into one that was sedentary and filled with calorie overindulgences.

 

Reality slapped me in the face one afternoon while I was out grocery shopping.  I kept looking behind me as I went down the aisles, trying to figure out who was following me.  Suddenly, I looked down only to realize that what was so uncomfortably tailing me in the grocery store was my own behind.

 

And I was done.  However, for almost two years, I made little to no progress in actually moving back to a healthy lifestyle or losing any weight.  It took some time for me to figure out what ultimately works for me.  I found the site SparkPeople in July 2007.  I was able to use the tools on the free site to learn about healthy eating and healthy lifestyle habits.  I lost forty pounds in about six months. 

 

During that time, I went through some changes in my personal life.  However, I did not regain the weight.  It was until I was "in love" again that my weight began to creep up.  So, no, I am not an emotional eater.  I am a lazy, undisciplined eater who is given to overindulging in fast food, cookies, cake and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and paying more attention to things/people outside of herself than is healthy for me.

 

What works for my healthy lifestyle is being active every single day.  It is paying attention to my eating habits.  It is meal planning and avoiding fast food restaurants.  It is turning down my favorite sweet tea and turning up water.  It is recognizing that there are indulgences that I will continue to allow myself but not going overboard.  It is being actively involved in and paying attention to my health on a daily basis.

Morehouse in the Rain

I sit here, huddled under a plastic poncho so thoughtfully provided after we passed the security checkpoint and collected our graduation programs.

I could be asking myself why I am here. I don't personally know a single soul that will receive a diploma today.

But I know why I am here. I am here to witness history. I am here to be reminded. I am here to be inspired.

Dear Newsmaker - Charles Ramsay

When it comes to the Charles Ramsay of it all, I sincerely hope that he does not become a hapless victim of the 24 hour news monster. Media scrutiny is a mthaphcka.

And unfortunately, from Mr. Ramsay's appearance, he has a past that he would prefer not be fodder for the endless newsreels.

 

 

Gratitude - Keys

Today, M got all the way over to his parents' house before realizing my keys were in his pocket. He brought them back to me before I even noticed them missing.

Cheat Coffee - Caffeine Junkie

I had a cheat coffee today. For a long time, I did not drink coffee. Then, because my husband used to work part time at Starbucks and is a CoffeeHead (Think coffee cup collector) and he makes a pot every day, I picked up the coffee habit.

And I really like my coffee with sugar and caramel flavored cream. The way I make it - it comes out to about 150 calories per cup. So, you can understand why with my weight loss goals, I've had to give it up.

However, I do allow myself a cheat coffee once a week. And only having one cup of coffee once a week, makes you look forward to it. #CaffeineJunkie

He Loves Me...

He really does love me.

He really paid attention in pre-marital counseling when it came to The Five Love Languages piece. I can tell how he makes a conscious effort to communicate with me in ways that speak to my "language."
He is extremely supportive of me and what I have going on, personally and at the office.
He is insistent upon regular date nights.
He likes holding my hand…and kissing me on my shoulders. (lol)
He is very thoughtful, slow and deliberate in his logic where I tend to make decisions and pass judgement a bit more quickly. He has the patience to consider more sides of a situation. He articulates his thoughts and feelings well. He is an excellent communicator.
We enjoy a lot of the same things. He makes me appreciate some of the bllsht that I've been through in the past – knowing that it was a path that I had to walk to bring me to a place that made me ready for this relationship.
I am safe with him, even in all of my flaws. He has made me more accepting of my own flaws and caused me to judge myself just a little bit less harshly. (Even though I am still one helluva self-critic.)
He laughs at my goofy, corny, unfunny jokes. He gets me. He is my best friend.