12.04.2004

love jones...




that shit's played out like an 8 track.

when that jones come down
it comes down like a muthafucka.

this is a destiny type thing, baby.
whatcha wanna do?

you only get two. . .

love is what you make
and who you make it with.

love,
passion,
it is,
what it is.

you always want what you want,
when you want it. . . .

let me tell you something...
this here, right now,
is all that matters to me.
i love you.
and that's urgent like a muthafucka.

12.02.2004

819 a.m.

I am DEFINITELY going to be late for work today. I should have been en route an hour ago. Oh well, can't be on time EVERY day. Besides timeliness is NOT one of my virtues which is REALLY horrible because i actually consider tardiness to be disrespectful of others' time. So, I should ENDEAVOR to increase my own on-time percentages.

I just got out of the shower and I am still wearing the infamous red robe. I'm sitting at my desk looking out of my window. It's obviously quite cold out there. There is frost on the ground this morning.

As I look a little farther up the street, um, can somebody tell me WHY at eight nineteen in the morning there are two teenagers at the bus stop in front of my house making out - in broad DAMN daylight?

but the bigger question is - WHY does that make ME feel old?

12.01.2004

negative ain't positive....

was in walmart yesterday morning...trying to buy THAT DAMN DOG some food...somebody tell me why my debit didn't go through?...

at first...i thought it was because of the recent change in my PIN...still not to certain of the numbers...well...upon asking the clerk to run it as a credit card...it STILL came up declined...

so...with much indignation...i whipped out my cell phone to call my bank...(i KNOW i've got AT LEAST a thousand dollars in that account...)

can you picture the look of embarassment on my face when they told me that my account was overdrawn $60?...negative $60...i almost passed out...

totally all my fault, though...my mortgage check bounced last month...don't ask why....that's a-whole-nother oprah AND a lesson in a sista-just-trying-to-make-ends-meet economics...so...this month...i paid two months at one time...so...why did my mortgage company re-deposit the first check?....

okay...so...again...let the cursing begin....rackum, mackum, smackum, filth, flam, flarth and so on...

talk about something that can totally screw up ya' day...

but all is good...crisis resolved...ready for the next adventure AND the next episode of DRAMA IN AN EVERYDAY LIFE....

11.28.2004

fear of a fat planet...

i am a member of black planet...have been for several years...although for a good portion of those years...the planet never even crossed my mind...it's only been in the last week...the last five days in fact...that i've had pictures up on my site...in that time...short time...i have received more notes from other members on each day than i have in the entire time that i have been on the planet...

unfortunately...due to my tendency to be honest and candid...i've already had my run-in with an idiot...wrote a post about...wanna hear it?...hear it goes...

i was online late last night...minding my own damn business when i get a note from...well...let's call him atlFATboy (i'm changing the name to protect the idiot)...in fact...let me post this exchange...

From: atlFATboy
Date: Nov.28.2004 - 01:54

what's going on tonight?
**********
so...as you often do when you get a note...you check out that person's profile...see if they have an interesting page and if they post pictures, what they look like...here's the pic from o'boy's page...



after doing so, i responded...

From: me
Date: Nov.28.2004 - 02:02

greetings...was out and about earlier...haven't been home too long...getting ready to call it a night...

but...i had to get my blackplanet fix before i turned in...

thanks for reaching out and showing me some of that blackplanet kind of love...

i checked out your page...look atcha...representing for the big boys...do ya' thang then...

miracles and blessings...
sea...
**********

which i thought was a nice response...

minutes later...i get the following reply...

From: atlFATboy
Date: Nov.28.2004 - 02:07

come over and give me a massage
**********

From: me
Date: Nov.28.2004 - 02:13

you have GOT to be joking...so...i am laughing OUT LOUD...

have you tried that before and people responded?...i mean regular women...not the pay by the hour type?...

i think i am offended...

i am not on the planet LOOKING for love or a hookup...this is for entertainment purposes only...if i meet someone nice so be it...

but for those that come at me wrong...they get a healthy dose of brutal honesty quickly...

so...here goes...

what in DAHELL makes you think i would leave my house at 210a.m. to come a give a complete stranger a massage?...nicca...i don't know you...i would have to be stupid, desperate or insane to even entertain that suggestion...

and besides...fat boys...not my style...in fact...a definite no-go...

so...the next time you think about disrespecting someone in that fashion...check that ish, nicca...for real...
**********

i think i made him mad...

From: atlFATboy
Date: Nov.28.2004 - 02:30

I see why you are single - you talk too much. It 2:27 a.m. and you are online writing a story about how you feel.

Nobody don't want to hear that.

I see you're truly lost....lol
**********

my final response to the fatboy...

From: me
Date: Nov 28, 2004

and you're online at 230a looking for someone to massage your fat ass back...and what?

i am single because i can articulate well and am not afraid to express the truth as i see from my window on the world?..methinks it's the truth you don't want to hear, fat boy...

i started out trying to show you some respect...you disrespected me by making an inappropriate suggestion...

not sure what kind of other women you have met on line...but i ain't it...

but enough of this...feel free to block me...i'm done with it...

trying to find my way...hoping i can find a way to stop talking...

but....

it's...

just...

so...

hard....
**********

once again proving that you should not enter into a battle of wits with an idiot...they will hold you down and beat you senseless with their stupidity...

but it's cool...i will continue to explore the planet...may the force be with me...

11.26.2004

skies are still blu...

you know...i went away for a while...now that i'm back...i realize that i haven't posted an update about what is going on with that thing that was happening between blu and me...

blu and i are friends...and that's what i am calling it...and that's where i'm leaving it...

nothing has happened to really change what our friendship was...and that's exactly what changed our friendship...

long distances...hard to overcome...we haven't really been in contact for the last two months...and for me...there is no anger attached...it just is what it is...

truth is...we didn't have enough of a foundation...did not have enough time to generate the type of bond that lasts through the stresses of an everyday life when you are miles and miles apart...

still i am wishing him the best...praying his successful journey...believing in the realization of all of the potential that lies within him and realizing that friendship is still love...and...that my skies are still blu...

11.25.2004

forever...i am thankful...

greetings to all on this day that we are to be thankful...and love to all who show me love...

this morning i rose...and i am thankful...
in full possession of what i call common sense...and i am thankful...
with a roof over my head...
and a vehicle parked in my garage...

and i am thankful...

generating income and interest...and i am thankful...

surrounded by the love of family...
blessed by the company of good friends...

and i am thankful...

HIS mercies are new every morning...and i am thankful...

blessed beyond measure...staring in the face of happiness...knowing that joy is just around the corner...

forever...i am thankful...

11.23.2004

good samaritan...

i helped this lady today...it made me feel good...it gave me a new perspective on the day that i was having...and being able to be there for someone in a time of trouble...made my day brighter...i was glad that i could be of service...

to that point...my day had been PRETTY BAD...this morning...i had to go to see my probation officer...yes, i said probation officer...as it happened, last week...i had traffic court...after presenting what i felt like was a compelling case, especially given the officer's clear inability to remember any of the details of the traffic stop...i was found guilty...because i did not have $175 on me that day...i was placed on probation until the amount could be paid in full...now...i was offered a payment plan...i could remain on probation and pay the $175 off over a period of six months...$35 per month...however...there would have also been a $39 monthly probation fee...thereby causing me to pay $444 for a $175 fine...which i NEVER should have been paying in the first place...yeah, right...

well...knowing that i would need to leave work to go pay the fine...i was driving in to work and it occurred to me that i would need to check to make certain that i had the paperwork with the directions and the amount that i would need to pay to clear my records...but alas...the paperwork was not in the car...SO....i had to turn around and go back to the house to locate the paperwork...

15 minutes of frantic searching later...i am again headed out into the cold and rainy day...but first...i have to stop and purchase a money order because probation cannot be paid in cash...so...i stop at my friendly neighborhood kroger and walk in to find the slowest line in the history of grocery store customer service department lines ever...

15 minutes after that...i am enroute to the probation office...as i approach the lakewood intersection...some idIot...who does not know how to drive in the rain, apparently has not been taught the use of a turn signal and obviously has no clue as to where he is going...cuts me off...causing me to swerve into the next lane, nearly running a car into the median...

here is where the cursing begins...wanna hear it?...here it goes....rackum, mackum, smackum...flilth, flam, flarth....and so on...

the directions to the probation office were very clear and my time in the office was quite uneventful...although...i do need to call back and find out why my receipt does not show a zero balance...

now finally...i can head to the office...so...i'm merging from 20 east onto the connector northbound when traffic comes to a dead stop...if i had not been able to steer onto the shoulder...the front end of my explorer would be forever a part of the work van that was in front of me...

so...i'm shaking and trying to steady my breathing and i'm saying...okay, god...that was two this morning...can i please get to work without the third strike?...

five minutes later...just two short miles of the office...i come around the curve of buford highway to find this silver mercedes parked in the far right expansion lane...as i am passing...i notice a woman with her head on the airbag of a totalled and smoking silver benz...it is without doubt that she'd just stopped spinning...

i pulled to the shoulder...backed up...i said a quick prayer...okay, god...please don't let me be one of those people who stop to help but end up dead on the side of the road...just at the time that i was getting to her...she got out of the car appearing to be dizzy...as she was too close to the oncoming traffic lanes...i led her to my truck...went back to her car...turned the car off, taking the keys out of the ignition and i removed her purse from the vehicle...

after giving her the purse, i called 911 and gave them directions to our location...she did have some injuries...her collarbone may be broken...she was definitely bruised on her right hand and was limping...i made her sit in my truck until the ambulance got there...two other females stopped...not a single man...shameful...it was good though that the ambulance and fire response time was less than five minutes...after they got there...they told us that since it was a single car incident that we didn't have to stay...besides...911 already has my contact information if they need me...

i tell you...god's timing is amazing...if i had come around that corner 15 seconds earlier...she probably would have spun right into me...

his mercies are new every morning...and i am thankful that he has mercy on me...

okay...didn't mean to get all juanita bynum on you...but you know...

9.17.2004

exes....

in the last week...three of my exes have called me...straight out of the blu...

what is it? can they just sense my happiness and satisfaction with my life or what?

i have not talked to my ex-husband in more than two years and before that hadn't talked to him in three years. my question to him....what in DAHELL are you calling ME for?...he just wanted to hear a friendly voice...

then...the knucklehead that i spent $2,000 visiting in KOREA (of all the godforsaken places on earth)...calls me and is like...i want to come visit you in atlanta...i've been thinking about you and missing you and just want to see you...my response...whatevuh, nigga (and i don't even LIKE that word)....

lastly...my most recent ex...calls to tell me that he REALLY wants to see me...that regardless of what i think that he doesn't have a "rotation" and that he's really been thinking about me and oh, by the way...can i make about six copies of a 60 page document for him?...my reply...beat it, bozo...well, not quite in those words...but i think he got the hint...

negroes...STAY DAFUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

can't you feel me knowing that i don't need you in my life anymore?
don't you realize that when you walked away from me that i would cease to need you?
does it occur to you that you no longer occupy space in my thoughts and that i no longer give you any energy because you're not worth it?
why do you take my forgiving nature for a sign that i would even consider allowing you in my life?
should i act like a bitter bitch when you call me to make you realize that your lame attempt at flirting is a waste of your breath and my life?
can't we just CALL it friends and LEAVE it at that?
we don't have do really BE friends, do we?

9.14.2004

what i don't want...

i don't want to be...
cheated on...
abused physically, mentally or sexually...
taken for granted...
disrespected...
excluded from major decisions...
lied to....
left alone...
smothered...
wonder about your feelings for me...
excluded from your life...
kept away from your friends and family...
have my confidence to be seen as an attack on your manhood...
sexually unfulfilled...

i don't want to feel like...
i can't depend on you....
i can't trust you...
i have to choose between you and my friends....

i want to be...
needed...
shown love unconditionally...
spoiled...
communicated with...
praised on my good qualities...
gently criticized on my bad...
comfortable being just little ol' me when i am with you, no bullshit, no pretenses....

i want you to meet me where i am...

9.13.2004

just rambling...

life is good...in fact, life is great!!!

i have little to complain about right now...i am thankful to god that i walk in his favor...i am grateful that he is merciful and full of grace...he knows that i REALLY need that...

i'm still not feeling my mother and my brother from the stress THEIR issues were causing in MY life last week...so...i'm giving them a WIDE berth this week and probably next week too....family...i tell ya....

blu and i doing wonderfully....he is the most exciting person...i'm not sure where we will end up...but i know that he and i will always be great friends because he has a beautiful spirit....

work is fine...boring...but fine...actually, with what they pay me, boring is good...make a lotta money to do very little...god REALLY is good...

i'm in awe of him....really...

i'ma kill THAT DAMN DOG...he's taken up a habit of leaving me gifts on my living room carpet...but then...i have to take some of the responsibility...i'm trying to change his eating schedule...i'll give him a few weeks before he becomes a homeless dog...

enough rambling...let me do some of what they pay me to do...