walking into a new relationship is like running naked in the sunshine...
i like to think that i haven't been hurt so many times in the past that i cannot love freely...
it's just a thought...
what i would like to believe...
sometimes...i think that if i tell myself that enough that i will begin to believe it...but the truth is...i am scared out of my mind...god knows...
i have been thru so much bullshit in this lifetime...i have been hurt so many times...let's face it...i have baggage...call me bag lady...i'm damaged goods...
how can i not be paralyzed w/ fear?...
this little old heart of mine has been pieced back together so many times that it looks like a bunch of string and glue...but even if I have to love with the glue that holds my heart together...i want to believe that i can give my all to a relationship...
but i am no longer as trusting as i used to be...now...even tho i have no reason to not believe...i still find myself w/ questions....
i don't raise these questions b/c i do not want to come across as a paranoid, psycho, insecure nut basket...so..i just chill...sit back and observe...
my grandma used to tell me to trust my own instincts...
my father says that any conclusion can be reached w/ instinct, logic and reasoning...
these days...i question my instinct b/c i fear that my experiences have left me so jaded that what i think could be instinct could just be a reaction from a past experience...love relationships can't always be judged by logic b/c some of the most successful relationships are those that defy logic....reasoning...well...u know...sometimes there is just no reason...period...
so...do i need counseling or what?...
2 comments:
Hi.. Nice blog entry's. But I feel the same as you. I had t evaluate myself once b/c I was really feeling a little bitter.
Honey EVERYONE can use counseling. Every single living human have buried issues, whether we admit them or deny them. That's not a bad thing, just means we're human.
Just to let you know I was lurking daily
BUT
in LA, used to run ads in the back of a paper,
where the personals were, in fact met quite a
few(could have been) lovely ladies via that method.
But to share the name of the paper?
THE RECYCLER - you know, used furniture/clothes/sporting
goods in the front, BUT a pretty large personal ads
section as well in the back...hmmmmmm.....
Originally was snail-mail forwarded from a drop-box, then they went to voice-mail personals... .
Just thought I would share that....
oh, chuckle ®
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