what i learned last night...

i went out last night...

i was bound and determined that i was going to somebody's spot...to drink somebody's mixed drink (just one) and spend some time conversing with somebody's son...

and i did just that...

the thing about is...i THOUGHT i was doing it because i needed a distraction from some of the relationship issues that my man and i have been dealing with...

i THOUGHT that smiling and flirting and innocently carrying on with someone who was guaranteed to compliment my good looks, comment on my fabulousness and sing my endless praise was what i needed to feed my ego...

that's what i THOUGHT....

as it turned out...i learned a very important lesson about my relationship...

let me take you back...

i walked into the very small, tightly packed spot...looking neither to the left, nor to the right...i was going to pass the bar and go directly to the enclosed patio that the establishment heats during the colder months...i paused at the stairs as someone was blocking my way...a fairly handsome young man pulled my coat and leaned into me and said, "i like how you walked in...you walked in like you owned the place." ego boost number one...

i smiled a polite thank you and kept it moving as i had no desire to stand in the middle of the high traffic area and carry on a conversation...besides...the boots that i had on have a two hour limit and i needed to sit down...

as i moved out onto the patio...i was actually quite surprised to find several tables open and i quickly found a seat close to one of the space heaters...

almost immediately after i ordered a drink and a bottled water...i was approached by a couple of guys...one of which was well groomed, polite and reserved with a friendly smile...HOWEVER...the friend that was with him damn near looked homeless...and of course...he was the drunkest one...and thereby, the loudest one and the most agressive one...and the one that INSISTED on paying for my drinks when the waitress brought my order...

after a few minutes of conversation with the D.O. (drunkest one)...where he complimented me repeatedly on my looks and my smile and that i seemed semi-intelligent (LOL) and that he REALLY liked me and he is the kind of man that when he sees something he wants he goes after it...i explained to him that i was not available as my significant other and i live together...

it was as if he didn't hear a word that i'd said...he began to try to capture my hands...the first two times he did that...i would just laugh and gently pull my hands back...the third time he leaned forward and pulled my hands toward him and tried to stick my fingers in his mouth...i snatched my hand back, looked him in the eye and very firmly said to him, "that's not cool. don't do that."

well, about this time...his well groomed, polite, reserved friend had come back up to the table and could easily see that while i was attempting to be courteous, the D.O. was really beginning to tick me off...

thankfully, he began to steer him away from me...and finally basically ended up going to get the D.O.'s brother who pulled him away from me...but...not before he got indignant with me and flat out asked me if he appealed to me...and because i was thoroughly done and disgusted...i simply said, "no."...and of course he had to get off one last parting shot..."see, i knew you couldn't appreciate a man like me. i could look at you and tell."...to that...i simply turned my head as a dismissal...i'd entertained that foolishness long enough...

no sooner than i'd breathed a sigh of relief...than shorty returns to my table...(that's the well groomed, polite guy - i forgot to mention he was a shorty)...

to make a long story short...he and i ended up having a nice conversation...he complimented me continuously...called me mysterious...and said a whole lot of ego boosting things...

i ended the night by allowing him to walk me to my truck...i even took his number...which i have already deleted...

but let me get to what i learned last night...

the D.O. actually just reminded me of something that i already knew...there's a lotta m'phkas out there that you just don't wanna damn deal with...

and in just replaying parts of my conversation with shorty...while it was a real ego booster...that i'd really needed...the compliments about my looks...my demeanor...his perception of my maturity....even the comment about how mysterious i seemed...all the while i was sitting back... listening...but thinking..."Yeah, but you really don't know me...if you knew me, i probably wouldn't seem all that damn mysterious...."

i realized that he was on the outside looking in...all they could see was the shell...they could not REALLY see ME....just an image that i'd created for the evening...

and what i realized about my relationship....is that because of some of the issues that he and i have been dealing with over the past couple of weeks....i have been so focused on what i perceive are his faults...and all of the things that i think he is doing wrong in this relationship...that i'd stopped seeing his image...i dismissed the things about him that are most wonderful....and that attracted me to him in the first place...

i wasn't seeing the bigger picture...

i am reminded of the quote, "familiarity breeds contempt."

it's amazing the way life teaches you lessons...it took a night out at a sportsbar to remind me how much i love this man...how wonderful i think he is and what a beautiful person he can be...

it took realizing what other people see in me...to remind me of what i see in him...

it's easy to be attracted to what you see on the outside of a person...it takes love to deal with what is on the inside of a person...we are not perfect beings and all of the inside is not good or easy to deal with...

and there's more...but i gotta get dressed for work...

holla....

chris rock's mom sues cracker barrel

for racial discrimination...

operative word here...cracker...

any questions?

love is a many splintered thing...

and splinters hurt...

so, many changes have taken place in my life since i've last been posting on a regular basis...most not worth mentioning...but one very big step that i have to write about because i am at a point where i need to examine how i am feeling about how it's going...

TP and moved in together...or...more specifically, we moved into an apartment TOGETHER...because really...for all intents and purposes, we have been living together since july...(which is about the time that i'm certain you guys noticed that my blogging began to seriously fall off - it's like kendall meeks posted in her blog...being half of a couple is not good for blogging because blogging really is a solitary thing...)

at any rate...last month...we moved into OUR apartment...

and i have mixed feelings about it...sometimes...

most of the time...i am as happy as a pig in slop...(yeah, i'm Kuntree...)

but some times...i wonder if i am doing the right thing at all...i wonder from a spiritual / biblical perspective...i wonder from a 'why buy the cow?' perspective...i wonder from the 'need for me time' perspective..

and there is no way i can NOT mention the fact that my stepmom (who in all actuality is my ex-step father's last wife) had the audacity to say to me that tp and i were "doing it backwards" by deciding to live together...her exact words, "I don't see why y'all don't go ahead and get married instead of just living together."

i chose to politely and respectfully allow her to voice her opinions...nodding and smiling the whole while...

when really...what was in the back of my mind what i was saying to her was..."are you for real with this ish? i mean, really...ma...this coming from you? the woman who had an affair with my ex-stepdad while he was still married to my mother? he left my mother for you...the woman who gave birth to me? do you think that just because it was 16 years ago that I've forgotten? seriously?"

yeah, i know...forgive and forget and live and let live and so on...and really...in the past ten years, she really has stepped into the role of 'mother' to me...(as best as she can given that i was nearly 25 when we really begin to develop a relationship)...and because of that...most of the time...i give her all of the honor and respect that is due to her as a parent...

but sometimes...you just gotta call bullshit...bullshit...

so...yeah...i have a lot on my mind...

and as i am sitting here trying to type it all out...all of the thoughts that i want to address are running together like rush hour traffic at spaghetti junction...

lots of volume...but little movement and almost no progress...

(which is usually what happens to me when i venture out in deeper waters...)

and just like i always do...i am going to retreat to the kiddie pool...go pour myself a glass of tea...find the comfortable chair...put my feet up and commence with a very intense study of the back of my eyelids...

i will come back to this...there is so much more here....cause i really want to talk about how love on a day in / day out basis is not that "splendored" at all...it is something else altogether...

childhood memory...

i have a younger cousin that told me what was supposed to be a
joke one time...

there was a lady who had a son's whose nickname was 'booty itch'...
unfortunately, booty itch got sick and died...
his mother was distraught...
she cried and cried and cried..."oh my booty itch...."
the preacher not knowing he sons nickname thought it strange that she would show her gried in that way...and her family knowing know way to console her...just let her cry...
she cried at the wake..."oh my booty itch...."
again...the preacher sttod by puzzled as her friends just let her cry...
she cried at the funeral all through the reverend's sermon..."oh my booty itch..."
and no one said a word...
she cried at the burial..."oh my booty itch..."
and just beside herself with grief...she made them open the casket....one last time...
"oh my booty itch..."
finally the preacher could stand it no longer...
he jumped up and starts yelling at the lady...
"well, sratch it sista, scratch it!!!!"

yeah...i know...damn near two months without blogging and THIS is what i come up with?

time on my hands...

too much of it, in fact...

leaves me pondering dumb a ss questions of the universe....

like...

why does nut sack skin and nipple skin shrivel up in the exact same way?

like i said...too much time on my hands to think about irrelevant ish...i should spend the mental energy on something not quite so trivial...

but then too...consideration of above subject is exactly the 'shallow end of the pool' kinda stuff i like...

what's on the mind of sJea?

well, ummmmmm.......

hmpf.....

let's see....

i got's nothing...

you got anything?

just be IT!!!

you already know what day it is...

and in honor of the sweetness and flavor that is the ever lovely suga-n-spice...we will continue with the official friday proclamation....

IT IS FRIDAY....AND BY DAMMIT, WE WILL BE HAPPY!!!

and i urge you....don't wait on your happiness...

don't wait until you get that job...or pay off that bill...or buy that house....or find that relationship...

find something to be happy about today...

even it's a small thing...

because life is too short and there is too great a chance that while you are waiting to flip that happiness switch...you will wake up to find that life has passed you by...

or you may not wake up at all...

i believe that happiness is not a continual state of euphoria...

instead it is a string of encounters that make you smile...people in your life that you like and that love you in return...accomplishments that bring you satisfaction...jokes that make you laugh and the occasional occasions where you know joy unspeakable...

you just have to recognize it as such and choose to let your happiness outshine your burdens...

so...please, please, PLEASE...

don't wait on your happiness...

just be IT!!!

afterthoughts...

remember that store?

claire's bought them out...in 1999...which takes me to the artist formerly known as...who along with that whole Y2K waste of money, time and resources...convinced us that the world was going to end at the stroke of midnight...or at least shortly thereafter...with the expected chaos...i was not out partying like it was 1999...i was sitting in the house on the couch with my then boyfriend tuned in to cnn thinking we'd see all these news reports of the world ending one time zone at a time...

anyway...back to the store...they sold accessories...you know earrings and watches and necklaces and bracelets and purses and scarves...and such...all the things that you could use to complete a look after you've bought an outfit...the last thing you would buy...

or...in other words...not anything that you really need...things that you could really actually do without...if we're being honest...

and let's be honest...i don't answer your calls because you call me at the oddest times....at 941p on saturday...at 1018p on wednesday night....at 813p on friday evening...

as if you'd done everything else you'd wanted to do that day...been everywhere you needed to go...seen all the people that you wanted to see..conversed with everyone else that you needed to talk to...

and finally....you get around to me...

as if i was the last thing on your mind...

an afterthought even....

you oughta be in pictures...

my girlfriend is bald...yep...bald...or...actually...she has a high and tight...i know...cause i shaved her myself...

and now...my girlfriend feels like tony the tiger....

GGGGRRRREEEAATTTT!!!!!

and THAT is big news....

my girlfriend ain't been bald since the first moment a bit of peach fuzz began appearing on her triangly little head around about the age of 12...

now...one time...i did perm the hairs of the girlfriend...not that she needed it...cause i got good hair on my girlfriend....(you know i got indian in my family)....that's right...no taco meat here...

the perming of the hairs of the girlfriend were a result of total boredom one saturday night...too much time on my hands and a bit of left over dark and lovely...

i came away with a snatch that looked like it had just stuck it's clit in a socket...bad move...but...the hairs of the girlfriend did lay down really well coming out the shower...and were long enough to cornrow...well...maybe if i added a little bit of b35 weave...needless to say...the hairs of the girlfriend were trimmed to a respectable length immediately...

shortly afterwards....i purchased a mustache trimmer... (this was before i knew they sold mini women's shavers) and that is what i have been using to keep the hairs of the girlfriend in check...

well...recently...it was gently suggested to me that perhaps if the girlfriend were hairless, it would make a certain activity more enjoyable for a certain someone...

and here again...one night shortly thereafter....and as the result of total boredom...too much dayum time on my hands and a brand new shick lady razor that i bought ONLY because it comes with this neat little hook with a suction cup that hangs it on the wall of that shower...

i take the beautiful new razor out of its wrappings...step in the shower and commence to lathering up the girlfriend...

a short time later...after some creative bending, stretching, reaching and perching of my feet in some unusual places...i am left with an almost completely hairless girlfriend...i left the triangle be...just a close trim with the electric trimmer...

and i am amazed...the girlfriend not only looks great...but feels even better....

who knew the girlfriend's skin was so smooth?...it actually debunks the cliche as soft as a baby's bottom...i now know that a baby's bottom is so smooth only because it ain't got no hair on it...so...from this point on...i will know announce the cliche as...

as soft as a hairless girlfriend...

lo and behold...behold and lo...i am now even more in love with my girlfriend...i was in love with her already before...i mean she gives me such great pleasure...how could i not be?....but since she went hairless...that whole self love thing is like a new experience everytime...and the new feelings that i am experiencing when i.....okay, wait...overshare...i'm blushing here and i'm oh...wait...mini spasms in memory...let me step away for a moment...

okay...back...where was i?...oh...the...er...um...new feelings...okay....enough about that...

unexpected result....the girlfriend is really quite beautiful...looks like something out of one of THOSE magazines...

she oughta' be in pictures...

gvneneup?

gvneneup?

new word...pronounced "giving any up?"

word origin...the word verification phrase from sj's blog...

definition....well, i'll come back to that...

i've really got too much time on my hands...or actually...no...i don't...because right this moment...i should be somewhere on westview drive or laurel avenue getting ready to come up behind the hammond house, cross over peeples street to make the loop around the west end mall and head back to the house for the completion of a 5 mile walk before it gets africa hot out there....which this morning may remain overcast so...i'm thinking i've got a few minutes....

let me air out the dusty corners of my brain for a bit and talk about some things that i've been kicking around in the wading pool of my mind...and what i really mean here is...things that i'd planned on making a post out of...but in my infinite laziness...well...you know...excuses...and we all know what mary kay says about excuses..."Excuses are LIES."

at any rate...gvneneup?

yeah...i'm giving some up...in fact...just bought a new box of lifestyles...the 36 pak...

word definition...self explanatory...