in·san·i·ty (noun) - doing the same things repeatedly expecting different results each time.
It's official. I am insane.
Why else would I get up this morning and eat the same sandwich for breakfast, drive the same route to the same 9 to 5, listening to the same radio station, thinking the same thoughts and think that I would be any happier today than I was on Friday when I did this?
Why else would I think that people I know who I used to call friend would be accepting of all of who I am? I mean, really, there are some things about myself that I don't like. Why in west Hell would I expect others to like them?
Why else would I expect that loving him is enough to cause him to love me in the same way? Shouldn't I have known that the work that would be required to build upon this foundation would sometimes be thankless and routine and seem less than rewarding?
I must be insane. Because I am not learning the lessons that the Universe keeps bashing me over the head with. I am not moving into a new and heightened reality full of bliss. I want joy to be a familiar experience not a few fleeting moments of sunshine in an existence filled with dark clouds and stormy days.
But maybe, that's all there is...I certainly don't want to think so, but maybe. And maybe, I'm not insane after all. Maybe the insanity of my reality is actually normality but because I don't recognize it, what looks like crazy on an ordinary day is really sanity defined.
2 comments:
Nope your azz is crazy...lol, funny i feel the same damn way er morning when i wake up, feels like i am stuck in "groundhogs day"..just change clothes....nothing changes just the same damn routine, listening to the same damn drama....here's to starting over
I feel crazy myself many days, don't feel bad..lol
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