if love...

if i could see love...
it would look like the first ray of light after a dark stormy night...
it would be the color of rain on sun parched fields...
it would be waves of the ocean continually kissing the beach and caressing the grains of sand...

if i could smell love...
it would carry the fragrance of a dozen roses...
the pungent scent of summer rain...
it would smell like baby's breath...

if i could talk with love...
there would be no empty promises unfulfilled...
it would be a whispered conversation of sweet words...
and it's voice would sound just like yours...

if i could dance with love...
it would be fast paced tango...
it would be a slow waltz...
and we would step in the name of love all at the same time...

if i could taste love...
it would taste like vanilla ice cream...
it would melt like chocolate...in my mouth AND in my hand...
it would be calorie free, less filling and taste great...

if i could look into love's eyes...
i would fall deep into the pools of its soul...
i would find myself from within...
and i would see reflections of you...

Imagine Me - Kirk Franklin - Hero

Imagine me
Loving what I see when the mirror looks at me
Cause I imagine me.
In a place of no insecurities and I'm finally happy
Cause I imagine me.
Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me
cause they never did deserve me,
Can you imagine me?

Saying no to thoughts that try to control me,
remembering all You told me,
Lord, can you imagine me?

Over what my momma said,
Free from what my daddy did
and I wanna live
and not read that page again.

Imagine me Being strong
and not letting people break me down,
you won't get that joy this time around.
Can you imagine me?

In a world, in a world where nobody has to be afraid,
because of your love, it's gone away?
Can you imagine me?

Letting go of my past
and glad I have another chance and glad to dance
cause I don't have to read that page again.

Imagine me,
being free,
trusting you totally,
finally I can imagine me,
I admit it was hard to see
you being in love with someone like me,
finally I can imagine me.

and then sometimes...

i just want to say...f uck it all...

maybe it was never real in the first damn place...

might as well tell the truth...

it hurts that my blog family isn't my blog family anymore...i miss the daily interaction with them and the one on one and in person get togethers...

i must accept my part in what happened to change things and who knows...maybe it's all my fault...

but...never in all my life have i felt so excluded from the inner circle...i have always just taken for granted my right to belong...in any place, situation...at the center of attention...not that i have a overblown desire for the spotlight...but because i love the interaction with other people...

we are all connected...and that connection breathes life into my soul...and the severing of this connection pains me...in ways...

at times...i want to get down on hands and knees and beg and kiss any ass that i need to kiss to be again considered 'friend'...

then other times...i am angry...and questioning...why was i so discounted as a person that an entire group of people could just seemingly turn their backs on me and pretend that i don't exist?

it hurts...it really, really hurts...and that is the truth that i've been trying to avoid...

but my avoidance...doesn't make it not true...