Happy Birthday, Pop.

There are so, so many things I can say about my *Pop*.

I cannot think where to start or even how to describe his impact on who I am as a person. Yeah, me, the one who always knows just what to say and just how to say it.

He has held my hand to lead and guide me throughout my life. Sometimes, he literally takes me by the hand. Other times, his guidance is a word, or a question. Sometimes, it is just a look in response to something I've said or done.

I now know that, subconsciously, I have looked to traces of the best of who my dad is in every man that I have ever dated. The best of who my dad is an amazing thing to behold. His sense of style. His off the wall sense of humor. The way he cares for his famiy, especially the fierce protectiveness of his daughters and quiet pride at how "the girls" are *turning* out - (we are all still works in progress. lol)

Today is his birthday and there will never be a gift that I can give him that would compare to all that he has given me.

My Pop, My hero

I Didn't Win

I was expecting to win the lottery last night. $19million to be exact. But, 11-12-16-35-53-23 didn't fall.

Oh well, it obviously was not my night. I will try again with my ONE quick pick ticket again for the Powerball jackpot tonight.

I will expect to win again.

Wish me luck!!!


Miracles and Blessings.

Confessions of a Murderer

I killed Miss Patty Perfect.

And I'm sure no one will ever miss her.

Who is Miss Patty? Where did I hide the body?

You see, Miss Patty was this chick that lived inside of me. She felt like she had to get everything right all the time. She thought that the love of those around her was dependent upon her ability to do the right thing and say the right thing all the time.

She felt like she was supposed to never need help, to be able to handle everything on her own all the time.

I did sympathize with Miss Patty because she did not wear her independence like a badge of honor. No for her, her independence was a cross to bear.

I will also admit to a bit of fondness for Miss Perfect. She is my ideal me. She is me at my best. She is the me that I aspire to be all the time. She is the standard that I set for myself however unreal.

But I am not her. I am a shadow of who she is when I'm at my best and a cheap imitation when I'm at my worst.

It's been hard to silence her. She was the best of who I wanted to be. She is who I dream of being.

But I am not her and she is not me.

And I had to kill her because she was killing me.

The Life I Live

I want the life I live to be as big as it can be,
as wide as it can be,
as round as it can be,
as long as it can be,
as happy as it can be,
as fun as it can be,
as crazy as it can be,
as sexy as it can be,
as cool as it can be,
as loving as it can be,
as kind as it can be,
as compassionate as it can be,
as loud as it can be,
as full as it can be.

Celebrating Me

The woman that I became from the girl that I was,
Now stands, not looking back, but looking above.

The curve of my hips and the width of my thighs.
And I know just where Victoria's secret lies.

The scent of my sex and my smooth silky skin.
The look in my eyes promises heavenly sin.

How magnificent and regal and royal I am.
Loving myself and not giving a damn

What others may think or what they may say
Because I’m in charge of me and making my own way.

I am in love with my own softness and femininity.
I am taken with the strength inside of me.

I admire the woman I have come to be.
I truly appreciate that she that is me.

I'm sitting in my truck in the parking lot of the Forest Park Recreation Center, waiting for my sister to arrive. We are taking the 6:00 p.m. water aerobics class. Believe it or not, I'm actually kind of stoked about it. No, exercising is not one of my favorite activities, but I do love the results of the effort.

Today was a pretty decent day in the life of sJea Smith. I made the effort to take one of my bff's some money that I 'owed' her. She'd called to say that she was flat broke and could really use the rest of the money for the trip to Mardi Gras. So, I got up just a little bit early and left to drive 50 miles out the way to take her the money before I went to work this morning. Not so much because I wanted to, but because I would officially be classified as a 'shtty' friend if I hadn't done so.

It got me to thinking about real friends and what they will do for you, how they support you and are there for you - without question. I will admit that I'm not always the best friend that I can be. I may not always go the 'extra mile'. However, I make it a point to have the basics of friendship solidly covered. I hope my friends think so too.

Today was a good day.

Today, the love felt brand new.

People watching in Centennial Park.
Window shopping in Cumberland Mall.
Dinner at Carraba's.
Cuddling on the couch.

Yes, today was a very good day.