if u were out...read back....get caught up...
a select few of my bfam were on hand for my rage...and subsequent meltdown after drinking a half a bottle of red, red wine on friday night....complete w/ drunken dancing, crying, calling my mother at 200am, passing out in the middle of my living room floor, throwing up and being carried to bed....
i MUST say here...thanks guys for being there...
i will also say....that it will probably be another 12 years before i drink again....
saturday morning...i woke up...amazingly not hung over...just feeling a little blah...i decided to check my email and had a response from a message that i had sent to a good friend who is currently stationed in iraq....and i got to thinking and remembering....some of the emails that I had been sending to ron...i went to my sent messages and below is the example of one that i found...
From: "CSmith"
Subject: RE: E-Card from Ronnie
To: "Ron W"
actually...i hadn't been looking for anything else...i know...stupidity on my part...i was really counting on this to come through...but hey....it still could...however...i am now on the grind working to make some other things happen....i'll keep u posted....
just so u know....if u were to ask...at some point...i would say yes....no hesitation....
take note of the last bolded line....in comparing nick's email to mine...mine reads just as horribly as his...
my mother told me that i am so determined not to take any bullshit off any n**ga that i have a tendency to run at the first sign of trouble...she told me that if i continued to do that i would always be running from man to man to man....
i need to learn that men are human and are imperfect just as i am...that i need to allow nick that room to not get it right sometimes...and when he makes an error....allow him the oppty to show me that this relationship is something that he really wants....and then IF...he fails in that...that's when i make a move...
i like my mother's advice...maybe b/c emotionally, i'm not ready to walk away from the relationship....maybe b/c i am a glutton for punishment...
who knows?...
but i do like my mother's advice...but then too...i do have to keep in mind that this is advice coming from one who is married to a drug addict....an educated, intelligent, well-spoken, sometimes extremely caring individual who i even get along w/ sometimes...but a drug addict nonetheless....
is nothing in life simple?
