I am great. Or at least, that's what I am believing about myself. It is the positive, self affirming speech that I give myself to keep me motivated.
Ninety percent of the time. That shit works.
This week, I'm having a ten percent week. I am feeling overwhelmed by all my grand plans for my life.
This week, my life weighs more than my weight limit will allow me to carry.
Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to dream big dreams and make big plans and do big things. You know what they say, Go Big or Go Home.
But really, this week, I just want to rest in the averageness that my current life is.
I know that in a couple of days, I will be right back on the grind. But for today, I am mired down in mediocrity and I'm okay with that.
2.17.2009
2.16.2009
Just Breathing
I am sitting at my desk reading blogs because I'm not doing any work today.
And when I say not doing ANY work, I really mean not.doing.any.work.
Yeah, I signed off payroll approval today and I responded to two emails, but that's it.
I could really so NOT be here today. The only reason I am here is because I didn't have anything else to do.
Normally, I am on a mission to take over the world. I am usually dreaming up ways to jumpstart my motivational speaking career, bring in more resume clients, upholding my personal standards of excellence in all areas, planning to work out, and figuring out ways to double my income by my self-imposed May 20, 2009 deadline.
Today, eh...not so much.
Today, I'm just concentrating on holding up my chair and breathing.
And when I say not doing ANY work, I really mean not.doing.any.work.
Yeah, I signed off payroll approval today and I responded to two emails, but that's it.
I could really so NOT be here today. The only reason I am here is because I didn't have anything else to do.
Normally, I am on a mission to take over the world. I am usually dreaming up ways to jumpstart my motivational speaking career, bring in more resume clients, upholding my personal standards of excellence in all areas, planning to work out, and figuring out ways to double my income by my self-imposed May 20, 2009 deadline.
Today, eh...not so much.
Today, I'm just concentrating on holding up my chair and breathing.
2.12.2009
Inner Beauty
If I could see you from the inside out, would your smiles be like standing with my face to the sun?
Or would the icicles around your heart leave me in danger of dodging falling daggers?
If I could see you from the inside out, would the music of your soul lull me into serenity's scene?
Or would the screams from the pain in your past cause my ears to bleed?
If I could see you from the inside out, would I find goodness and light and flowers and sunshine?
Or would I run from the carnage and the stench of you dying a heartbeat at a time?
If I could see you from the inside out, would we rave unto the joy fantastic?
Or timidly step around the landmines of your instability?
If I could see you from the inside out, would I find the support of a solid foundation?
Or would I slide around on the slippery slopes of your uncertainties and insecurities?
If only I could see you from the inside out.
Or would the icicles around your heart leave me in danger of dodging falling daggers?
If I could see you from the inside out, would the music of your soul lull me into serenity's scene?
Or would the screams from the pain in your past cause my ears to bleed?
If I could see you from the inside out, would I find goodness and light and flowers and sunshine?
Or would I run from the carnage and the stench of you dying a heartbeat at a time?
If I could see you from the inside out, would we rave unto the joy fantastic?
Or timidly step around the landmines of your instability?
If I could see you from the inside out, would I find the support of a solid foundation?
Or would I slide around on the slippery slopes of your uncertainties and insecurities?
If only I could see you from the inside out.
2.07.2009
Month Lost
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm....What in da hell happened to the first month of the year?
Dammit - My year is already 1/12 of the way over and it really feels like it slid away into a mesh of nothingness.
Well, actually, that's not quite true.
1. I found FACEBOOK. I'm addicted. Enough said.
2. I took a leadership class at one of those Rockhurst University seminars. Those classes rock!!! For about two weeks, I was super motivated. Then, life took over again.
3. I met a really cool guy at the seminar. Two weeks later, I find out he snores like a buzzsaw. Needless to say, that shut down all dreams of having babies that looked like the best of the two of us. (I'm sure he's wondering why I don't call him anymore.)
4. I found my cousin that I hadn't talked to in almost 20 years on FaceBook. She came to visit that very weekend. I was going to feed her bacon and eggs, but the bacon that I had was a month old and the fry daddy grease that I dropped it in was even older. Needless to say, that was a no go. I ended up calling I.HOP for carryout.
5. Met David at I.HOP. He's a doctor. We're a couple already. Met him on the 17th. That was three weeks ago.
6. Work has been really crazy. For the first time in a LONG, LONG time, there is just a bit of trepidation about not getting it all done, not meeting all of the deadlines, not working to my usual standard of excellence, of falling flat on my fcuking face. (Not a good feeling.)
7. I worked out like a champion for the first five weeks of the year. This past week, I have done nothing.
8. My money is really funny right now. I've decided to join Frugalista's No Buy Month after tomorrow. (I have to buy some lotion and my slippers are about to fall apart.)
9. I bought groceries today for the first time in almost a month. The last couple of days I had to get really creative with my meals.
10. Writing my brother, who is in prison, is something that I do out of obligation and because I believe that he needs someone to support him. Getting his letters back is depressing as fuck. I almost want to write him and tell him that he does not have to write AT ALL.
That's the quick and dirty run down on the first 1/12th of my year.
You'll see me around more often. I promise.
Dammit - My year is already 1/12 of the way over and it really feels like it slid away into a mesh of nothingness.
Well, actually, that's not quite true.
1. I found FACEBOOK. I'm addicted. Enough said.
2. I took a leadership class at one of those Rockhurst University seminars. Those classes rock!!! For about two weeks, I was super motivated. Then, life took over again.
3. I met a really cool guy at the seminar. Two weeks later, I find out he snores like a buzzsaw. Needless to say, that shut down all dreams of having babies that looked like the best of the two of us. (I'm sure he's wondering why I don't call him anymore.)
4. I found my cousin that I hadn't talked to in almost 20 years on FaceBook. She came to visit that very weekend. I was going to feed her bacon and eggs, but the bacon that I had was a month old and the fry daddy grease that I dropped it in was even older. Needless to say, that was a no go. I ended up calling I.HOP for carryout.
5. Met David at I.HOP. He's a doctor. We're a couple already. Met him on the 17th. That was three weeks ago.
6. Work has been really crazy. For the first time in a LONG, LONG time, there is just a bit of trepidation about not getting it all done, not meeting all of the deadlines, not working to my usual standard of excellence, of falling flat on my fcuking face. (Not a good feeling.)
7. I worked out like a champion for the first five weeks of the year. This past week, I have done nothing.
8. My money is really funny right now. I've decided to join Frugalista's No Buy Month after tomorrow. (I have to buy some lotion and my slippers are about to fall apart.)
9. I bought groceries today for the first time in almost a month. The last couple of days I had to get really creative with my meals.
10. Writing my brother, who is in prison, is something that I do out of obligation and because I believe that he needs someone to support him. Getting his letters back is depressing as fuck. I almost want to write him and tell him that he does not have to write AT ALL.
That's the quick and dirty run down on the first 1/12th of my year.
You'll see me around more often. I promise.
1.01.2009
Day Lost
Uuuummmm...What in daHell happened to the first day of the year?
It has just slid away into a whole mesh of nothingness. Already my great plans to start the new year off differently got deadlined.
I'm thinking that this is going to be a year of challenges. How do I know this?
My first challenge was issued less than 35 minutes into the new year.
I was at a girlfriend's party with a very sophisticated (I used that word rather facetiously to describe those bourgeouis negroes.) crowd. You know how socially retarded grown ass people look standing the fuck around in cliques sipping wine and eating appetizers when they asses are supposed to be at a FUCKING PARTY?
I hate that shit. Everybody standing around talking to only who the fuck they know. Trying to appear too cool for school. All dressed up in their flyest shit (so you know they want to be seen), but sticking to the wall like they don't want to attract attention (so it doesn't look like they are trying too hard).
I don't have those kinds of issues. I like me. I like being me. A bunch of folks that I don't really know are not going to stop me from enjoying myself.
So......I am at this party (as if you didn't know that) and I am the ONLY PERSON DANCING. I mean at first, the music was kinda lame. The IPOD playlist was NOT the business. It was uptempo enough to get your head bobbing, but not really enough to make you want to jam your ass off.
Finally, someone went and got a different IPOD with some different music. It was finally the right kind of music - the kind I needed to make me move. So, I did. And as I just said. I WAS THE ONLY PERSON DANCING.
And I was dancing my ass off.
Now let me bring another aspect of the 30-something we successful negroes and feeling our cool selves set. There are men and women there. Some couples. Some single dudes. Some single chicks. (Which is about how those things go, right? I know. Almost not even necessary to say.)
And of course, where there are single men and single women in the place, folks are looking at each other. In the bourgeouis negro set, this happens rather surreptiously. Because nobody wants to be seen checking anybody out.
And me, being the flossy single chick that I am. I was checking out the dude candy in the place. I got to noticing that just about every dude in this place was short. And when I say short, I mean all of them but two were shorter than 6' and not even possible matches for me in any way.
As a female who is 5'10" in bare feet, to me, guys that are shorter than 6' are short. Because when I put shoes on and most often, I am in boots, heels or high heeled sandals.
However, it occured to me that because my girlfriend who is hosting this party is 5'3", to her, these guys are tall.
That leaves the two tall dudes standing all the way across the room in the kitchen. One of which was rather Delicious. However, the out of town house guest of my gf whose house we were at whom I had met the night before when we were all at The Tavern, had somehow worked into the brief conversation that she and I had that she had "sent word about that one". Which was cool with me. Hell, I wasn't there to pick up negroes anyway. I am already quite busy enough thank you. (Not that I would have ignored a proper advance :-D)
Which brings me back to my dancing.
I am jamming for like the 5th song straight now (but not breaking a sweat). One couple got up and shuffled around for a few minutes and then sat back down.
I turn around and Delicious is no longer on the other side of the room. He is now sitting on the stool that I had vacated when I started dancing and that I am still less than 6 inches from.
And as things often go when two single, attractive people are in the same space, we begin conversing. Less than two minutes later, my gf comes through and pulls my shirttail and whispers, "Unt-uh, don't try that one."
I got so immediately pissed my vision went blurry for a couple of clicks. Delicious sensed something was wrong and asked what was up. In my new uncutness, I told him that I had been warned to stay away from him and for her to say something like that it meant that it was time for me to go.
I found my coat from her utility closet, said some polite good nights and headed for the door. Delicious grabbed my hand as I was passing by and was like, "What's up? You're really leaving?"
"Yes, I'm leaving. I am a grown ass woman and I don't play kid games. At the point that she said that shit to me, that meant that I was no longer welcome here and that it was time for me to go. I have been told not to talk to you. However, if you would like to walk me to my car, you're more than welcome to do so. Let's roll."
I walked off and didn't even look back to see if he followed.
Of course, he did.
As he walked me to my truck, I gave him the full scenario and told him exactly why things happened the way that they did. I described the female to him and told him of her interest. (His response: "You mean the Old Chick?" (An aside - yes, there was a small chuckle of satisfaction at his statement.) He then says, "Y'all are funny."
My response, "Naw, THEY are funny. I don't play those school girl games."
We got to my truck. He asked for my number, a hug and a New Year's kiss. He got all three - the kiss being a rather benign, brief meeting of two sets of very soft lips.
I have plans to address this foolishness with my gf - soon.
Y'all think I overreacted?
(Disclaimer - This is not what I planned for my first post of the year to be about. And this rather lengthy post did not even cover the other way in which I was tried by my ex-shithead starting with text messages at 236a. But you know what...Oh well to ALL of THAT...it's the new year, bytches and it is SexyCool's UnCut Year of Big Fun - more on that later.)
Kick rocks, bytches.
It has just slid away into a whole mesh of nothingness. Already my great plans to start the new year off differently got deadlined.
I'm thinking that this is going to be a year of challenges. How do I know this?
My first challenge was issued less than 35 minutes into the new year.
I was at a girlfriend's party with a very sophisticated (I used that word rather facetiously to describe those bourgeouis negroes.) crowd. You know how socially retarded grown ass people look standing the fuck around in cliques sipping wine and eating appetizers when they asses are supposed to be at a FUCKING PARTY?
I hate that shit. Everybody standing around talking to only who the fuck they know. Trying to appear too cool for school. All dressed up in their flyest shit (so you know they want to be seen), but sticking to the wall like they don't want to attract attention (so it doesn't look like they are trying too hard).
I don't have those kinds of issues. I like me. I like being me. A bunch of folks that I don't really know are not going to stop me from enjoying myself.
So......I am at this party (as if you didn't know that) and I am the ONLY PERSON DANCING. I mean at first, the music was kinda lame. The IPOD playlist was NOT the business. It was uptempo enough to get your head bobbing, but not really enough to make you want to jam your ass off.
Finally, someone went and got a different IPOD with some different music. It was finally the right kind of music - the kind I needed to make me move. So, I did. And as I just said. I WAS THE ONLY PERSON DANCING.
And I was dancing my ass off.
Now let me bring another aspect of the 30-something we successful negroes and feeling our cool selves set. There are men and women there. Some couples. Some single dudes. Some single chicks. (Which is about how those things go, right? I know. Almost not even necessary to say.)
And of course, where there are single men and single women in the place, folks are looking at each other. In the bourgeouis negro set, this happens rather surreptiously. Because nobody wants to be seen checking anybody out.
And me, being the flossy single chick that I am. I was checking out the dude candy in the place. I got to noticing that just about every dude in this place was short. And when I say short, I mean all of them but two were shorter than 6' and not even possible matches for me in any way.
As a female who is 5'10" in bare feet, to me, guys that are shorter than 6' are short. Because when I put shoes on and most often, I am in boots, heels or high heeled sandals.
However, it occured to me that because my girlfriend who is hosting this party is 5'3", to her, these guys are tall.
That leaves the two tall dudes standing all the way across the room in the kitchen. One of which was rather Delicious. However, the out of town house guest of my gf whose house we were at whom I had met the night before when we were all at The Tavern, had somehow worked into the brief conversation that she and I had that she had "sent word about that one". Which was cool with me. Hell, I wasn't there to pick up negroes anyway. I am already quite busy enough thank you. (Not that I would have ignored a proper advance :-D)
Which brings me back to my dancing.
I am jamming for like the 5th song straight now (but not breaking a sweat). One couple got up and shuffled around for a few minutes and then sat back down.
I turn around and Delicious is no longer on the other side of the room. He is now sitting on the stool that I had vacated when I started dancing and that I am still less than 6 inches from.
And as things often go when two single, attractive people are in the same space, we begin conversing. Less than two minutes later, my gf comes through and pulls my shirttail and whispers, "Unt-uh, don't try that one."
I got so immediately pissed my vision went blurry for a couple of clicks. Delicious sensed something was wrong and asked what was up. In my new uncutness, I told him that I had been warned to stay away from him and for her to say something like that it meant that it was time for me to go.
I found my coat from her utility closet, said some polite good nights and headed for the door. Delicious grabbed my hand as I was passing by and was like, "What's up? You're really leaving?"
"Yes, I'm leaving. I am a grown ass woman and I don't play kid games. At the point that she said that shit to me, that meant that I was no longer welcome here and that it was time for me to go. I have been told not to talk to you. However, if you would like to walk me to my car, you're more than welcome to do so. Let's roll."
I walked off and didn't even look back to see if he followed.
Of course, he did.
As he walked me to my truck, I gave him the full scenario and told him exactly why things happened the way that they did. I described the female to him and told him of her interest. (His response: "You mean the Old Chick?" (An aside - yes, there was a small chuckle of satisfaction at his statement.) He then says, "Y'all are funny."
My response, "Naw, THEY are funny. I don't play those school girl games."
We got to my truck. He asked for my number, a hug and a New Year's kiss. He got all three - the kiss being a rather benign, brief meeting of two sets of very soft lips.
I have plans to address this foolishness with my gf - soon.
Y'all think I overreacted?
(Disclaimer - This is not what I planned for my first post of the year to be about. And this rather lengthy post did not even cover the other way in which I was tried by my ex-shithead starting with text messages at 236a. But you know what...Oh well to ALL of THAT...it's the new year, bytches and it is SexyCool's UnCut Year of Big Fun - more on that later.)
Kick rocks, bytches.
12.31.2008
SexyCool Uncut
Fuck 2008! Yeah, I said it!
I'm kicking the doors down on 2009. I'm delighted as shit to see 2008 out this bitch. And, I gladly left all the bullshit behind. Along with a no good mphcka and of lot of extra baggage that freed up a lot of space in my life.
For 2009, I am done with - BNB - bitch.assness and bullshit, regardless of what form in comes in. So, whether you bring me BNB intentionally or it just happens to fall over into our shit like a vase getting knocked off a pedestal, I am liable to fuck you up.
Not physically, cause I'm not a violent chick, but verbally, I'ma HAVE to go up one side of your ass and come down the other in order to set you straight.
Yep, 2009 - you will experience SexyCool Uncut!!!
And you will be LOVING me, bytches...
lol...
I'm kicking the doors down on 2009. I'm delighted as shit to see 2008 out this bitch. And, I gladly left all the bullshit behind. Along with a no good mphcka and of lot of extra baggage that freed up a lot of space in my life.
For 2009, I am done with - BNB - bitch.assness and bullshit, regardless of what form in comes in. So, whether you bring me BNB intentionally or it just happens to fall over into our shit like a vase getting knocked off a pedestal, I am liable to fuck you up.
Not physically, cause I'm not a violent chick, but verbally, I'ma HAVE to go up one side of your ass and come down the other in order to set you straight.
Yep, 2009 - you will experience SexyCool Uncut!!!
And you will be LOVING me, bytches...
lol...
12.24.2008
Feliz Navi-NOT!!!
I opted out of Christmas this year. This is probably due to a combination of things.
1) The media has been reporting that we are in a recession.
2) I just broke up with my live in of three years after finally catching him out with another chick. (And no, I was not out looking for him. I was giving a friend a ride. Catching him in his bullshit must have been my early Christmas gift from the Universe - I'll take it.)
3) I have come to resist consumer driven holidays.
4) I don't NEED anything. Of course, I can always upgrade on things that I already own. And who can't use yet another pair of boots or another pair of really great jeans.
5) I am really lazy right now.
6) Follow up to #2, aforementioned shithead stuck me with all of this month's bills, which I had the money to cover, it just wasn't budgeted that way. Oh well...
As such, it is 1004p on Christmas eve and I am sitting here reading other's blogs and watching Ice Age on the FX because my plans for the evening fell through. And while I could 'get cute and go somewhere and be cute', tonight, I just wanna chill.
Oh and for dude that is calling me, telling me that he is getting off shortly, trying to score a Christmas eve invite over to the crib - that is so NOT happening.
1) The media has been reporting that we are in a recession.
2) I just broke up with my live in of three years after finally catching him out with another chick. (And no, I was not out looking for him. I was giving a friend a ride. Catching him in his bullshit must have been my early Christmas gift from the Universe - I'll take it.)
3) I have come to resist consumer driven holidays.
4) I don't NEED anything. Of course, I can always upgrade on things that I already own. And who can't use yet another pair of boots or another pair of really great jeans.
5) I am really lazy right now.
6) Follow up to #2, aforementioned shithead stuck me with all of this month's bills, which I had the money to cover, it just wasn't budgeted that way. Oh well...
As such, it is 1004p on Christmas eve and I am sitting here reading other's blogs and watching Ice Age on the FX because my plans for the evening fell through. And while I could 'get cute and go somewhere and be cute', tonight, I just wanna chill.
Oh and for dude that is calling me, telling me that he is getting off shortly, trying to score a Christmas eve invite over to the crib - that is so NOT happening.
12.15.2008
Living Single
We are living singllllleeee....check, check, check it out.
Update. That single thing was off. There was supposed to be a reconciliation. In fact, it came up the day after my last post celebrating singleDOM.
Well, didn't work.
Exactly three months later, single is back on.
And truly.......
I........
AM........
LOVING.........
IT!!!!!!!!
Update. That single thing was off. There was supposed to be a reconciliation. In fact, it came up the day after my last post celebrating singleDOM.
Well, didn't work.
Exactly three months later, single is back on.
And truly.......
I........
AM........
LOVING.........
IT!!!!!!!!
9.15.2008
Sangin' Like My Name is Trina
Single Again, Back on the Prowl....
Okay, well maybe not quite back on the prowl, but certainly single again. AND LOVING IT!!!
And no, that's not something that I'm just telling myself as a desperate, lonely chick. I really had forgotten how comfortable being a single person is for me.
As you can see, I've not been updating with any regularity. Not since January. Well, it was right around that time that the issues with the S.O. and I began to come to a head. And for SEVERAL months, we went back and forth over the issues (and there were several - all related).
At any rate, I'm back to ENJOYING life and focusing on myself and my goals and my plans for big success.
Thanks for joining me for the ride!!!
Okay, well maybe not quite back on the prowl, but certainly single again. AND LOVING IT!!!
And no, that's not something that I'm just telling myself as a desperate, lonely chick. I really had forgotten how comfortable being a single person is for me.
As you can see, I've not been updating with any regularity. Not since January. Well, it was right around that time that the issues with the S.O. and I began to come to a head. And for SEVERAL months, we went back and forth over the issues (and there were several - all related).
At any rate, I'm back to ENJOYING life and focusing on myself and my goals and my plans for big success.
Thanks for joining me for the ride!!!
1.20.2008
View from My Window
Um, yesterday....it snowed in Atlanta.
Did you hear me? Do I need to repeat myself?
It SNOWED in Atlanta. That's like south of the Mason Dixon Line. It doesn't snow in the South. Or it shouldn't. That's kinda like Hell freezing over. Or maybe not. Shocking as it may have been, this is the view from my patio. I stuck my head outside the door for about two seconds and snapped this shot with my camera phone. It's kinda pretty.
I actually LOVE snow. I enjoy looking at pictures of it and seeing it on television and watching people make snowmen on postcards and think I'd be a pretty decent skier if I could stand up long enough to make it down a slope on the blasted slippery things. I even like shaking up the water in the snow globes to watch the snow peacefully float to the bottom of the globes that I collect.
However, I don't too much care for seeing it outside my window. I don't like sweeping it off my truck. I have no desire to make snow angels or snow men. I'm sure it has something to do with the freezing temperatures that accompany snow - hence the title - frozen participation.
Did I mention it was colder than a polar bear's toenails?
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