I require a man who is emotionally available to explore a relationship. It is not cute when you have issues from past relationships that require closure.
I would like to be with a man that I am physically attracted to. Now, he does not have to be Ebony Man of the Month. But he needs to be well groomed, have a nice smile and take care of himself physically - meaning that he is involved in some type of physical activity to keep him healthy. There is ONE physical requirement that is a deal breaker. I am a tall chick (5'10) - unfortunately, I have never been comfortable dating someone shorter than me.
I am looking for someone who is consistently consistent. I want to be with someone who is respectable and respectful.
I don't necessarily look for a man who has a degree. It is a plus, but not a requirement. You do need to be employed and taking care of yourself and all of your responsibilities.
I'm not adverse to dating a man with children, as long as he is taking care of them. I refuse to date dead-beat dads.
I am looking for someone who I share similarities with. It's cute to say that opposites attract, but it is what you have in common that allow you to build relationships.
It is also VERY important that we be sexually compatible. If you can't take me 'there', you will not hold my interest.
I am looking for a well-rounded package. Not a perfect package, just well rounded.
A man who stimulates me mentally and intellectually. It is obvious from my posts that I have a lot to say. So someone who can engage me in conversation and with whom I can enjoy debating is cool.
A man who attracts me physically and sexually. It's something about the strength in a man's hands that is sexy as all get-out. And something about the width of a man's shoulders. And something about the feel of a man's....oh
wait, I'm about to get x-rated.
I want a man that makes me eager to come home at night, that waking up to his morning breath is not a thought worse than death. I want a man who will serve me breakfast in bed on Saturday mornings (not every Saturday) and who I can make omelets for on Sunday mornings before church.
8.10.2004
8.09.2004
the loves of my life...
i fell in love for the first time when i was 12...can u fall in love at 12?...i certainly thought i was...and i was in love w/ the same guy for 4 years....willie carl bullock....i loved me some carl....carl was 5 years older than me...i used to be so shy around him that when he talked to me...i couldn't say anything...carl bullock....my first love....my first lover...my first heartbreak....
my next love was bryant dismuke....i was 19....i moved out of my mother's house into a basement apartment for this negro...it was my money that bought us the waterbed that we slept in...he used to take me to work and be late picking me up in MY car...ain't that some shit?...that relationship ended when i found out that he was taking other chicks out in my car....i left everything i bought for that apartment there and moved in w/ my girlfriend melissa....second major heartbreak....
the year i turned 20....i fell in love w/ jarrel cunningham....a married man...disclaimer....at first...i didn't know he was married...he lied...by the time i found out...i had been in love w/ the man for three months...back then...that was a lifetime...he left his wife for me...it doesn't feel good to say that...but it's true...our relationship lasted for another year...i finally walked away from it when there were still too many unanswered questions and his by then ex-wife was still acting like a fucking idiot...that and i spent my 21st birthday w/ someone else b/c he was nowhere to be found....
i met kevin smith when i was coming out of that....we were married w/in 9 months....my ex was in the military...i'd moved to north carolina while we were dating...he was still stationed in georgia....i got married in dillon, south carolina - the wedding capital of the world....i wore pepe jeans, a white tshirt and white reebok classics....we would be married for a year and a half before we lived under the same roof....a year later he left me for a stripper....
i moved to georgia while going thru the divorce...charles...and i'm sitting here thinking about it...i dated this negro for six months...he tried to kill me...u know....police...eyewitnesses...attempted kidnapping...assault and battery...all that...and i cannot remember his last name to save my life...at any rate....charles whatever-his-last-name-is was obviously not successful in his attempt to kill me....
after that...there was gerald keith slaton...he was EVERYTHING a boyfriend should be...except one thing...he was not IN love w/ me...his father, the country holiness preacher, had a problem w/ the fact that i was divorced...keith would never marry me...i gave him two years of my life...he got really saved and turned into a religious idiot...i got really gone quickly....
deshannon martin...i will die if any of u say u know him....was the last serious long-term relationship i was in...initially that negro was so in love w/ me that my shit didn't stink....two years later...he had become a pro at pulling disappearing acts, not returning my calls and forgetting that i exist...obviously not a successful relationship....
i know that i was a bit long winded today....i do hope that i have not taken up too much of ur life w/ my ramblings...i only went thru the short list....the unabridged version...would be a book....
i'll let u know when it comes out....
my next love was bryant dismuke....i was 19....i moved out of my mother's house into a basement apartment for this negro...it was my money that bought us the waterbed that we slept in...he used to take me to work and be late picking me up in MY car...ain't that some shit?...that relationship ended when i found out that he was taking other chicks out in my car....i left everything i bought for that apartment there and moved in w/ my girlfriend melissa....second major heartbreak....
the year i turned 20....i fell in love w/ jarrel cunningham....a married man...disclaimer....at first...i didn't know he was married...he lied...by the time i found out...i had been in love w/ the man for three months...back then...that was a lifetime...he left his wife for me...it doesn't feel good to say that...but it's true...our relationship lasted for another year...i finally walked away from it when there were still too many unanswered questions and his by then ex-wife was still acting like a fucking idiot...that and i spent my 21st birthday w/ someone else b/c he was nowhere to be found....
i met kevin smith when i was coming out of that....we were married w/in 9 months....my ex was in the military...i'd moved to north carolina while we were dating...he was still stationed in georgia....i got married in dillon, south carolina - the wedding capital of the world....i wore pepe jeans, a white tshirt and white reebok classics....we would be married for a year and a half before we lived under the same roof....a year later he left me for a stripper....
i moved to georgia while going thru the divorce...charles...and i'm sitting here thinking about it...i dated this negro for six months...he tried to kill me...u know....police...eyewitnesses...attempted kidnapping...assault and battery...all that...and i cannot remember his last name to save my life...at any rate....charles whatever-his-last-name-is was obviously not successful in his attempt to kill me....
after that...there was gerald keith slaton...he was EVERYTHING a boyfriend should be...except one thing...he was not IN love w/ me...his father, the country holiness preacher, had a problem w/ the fact that i was divorced...keith would never marry me...i gave him two years of my life...he got really saved and turned into a religious idiot...i got really gone quickly....
deshannon martin...i will die if any of u say u know him....was the last serious long-term relationship i was in...initially that negro was so in love w/ me that my shit didn't stink....two years later...he had become a pro at pulling disappearing acts, not returning my calls and forgetting that i exist...obviously not a successful relationship....
i know that i was a bit long winded today....i do hope that i have not taken up too much of ur life w/ my ramblings...i only went thru the short list....the unabridged version...would be a book....
i'll let u know when it comes out....
8.06.2004
i remember...
to continue what was started yeterday and since we have a mandate from suga that fridays are 'by damn, we'll be happy day'...i decided that i would take a moment to reflect...on my memories....
i remember the first time i wrote my name...i was in headstart...the teacher's aide taught me to spell my name wrong....
i remember being on the playground and taking my hooded sweater and piling it on top of my head and spinning around until i turned into wonder woman...i was in kindergarten...
i remember my first dentist's appointment...i remember 'swishing'...i remember when tishelia brown stole stacy barnes lunch cause she said said she was hungry...i think it was just cause she was fat and greedy...first grade....
second grade...i remember mary ann roulhac...she couldn't read...i used to help her sound out words at recess...
i remember the time i was giving answers to lawana johnson on our spelling test and my third grade teacher, ms. barber, kept us so long after class that she had to drive us home...i still remember the ass whuppin' i got for that one...but it was ms. barber that invited her entire class to her house for a cookout...it was the first time i had ever seen a pool table in somebody's house and the first time that i realized some white people lived much differently than we did....i was runner up in the spelling bee that year...i got eliminated when i couldn't spell 'diaphragm'....now it's one of those words that i will NEVER forget...
michael cooke was my first crush...that little negro was so black...u have a hard time seeing him next to me in my fourth grade class picture...
i don't remember shit about the fifth grade except that my teacher's name was mrs. weiss and i wanted to be in mrs. dunn's class b/c she was prettier....besides...michael cooke was in her class...
i also wanted to take a moment to thank all of you that came to hang out this week...i am honored that you chose to spend time at this spot...however, i am REALLY looking forward to mia's return on monday...
i remember the first time i wrote my name...i was in headstart...the teacher's aide taught me to spell my name wrong....
i remember being on the playground and taking my hooded sweater and piling it on top of my head and spinning around until i turned into wonder woman...i was in kindergarten...
i remember my first dentist's appointment...i remember 'swishing'...i remember when tishelia brown stole stacy barnes lunch cause she said said she was hungry...i think it was just cause she was fat and greedy...first grade....
second grade...i remember mary ann roulhac...she couldn't read...i used to help her sound out words at recess...
i remember the time i was giving answers to lawana johnson on our spelling test and my third grade teacher, ms. barber, kept us so long after class that she had to drive us home...i still remember the ass whuppin' i got for that one...but it was ms. barber that invited her entire class to her house for a cookout...it was the first time i had ever seen a pool table in somebody's house and the first time that i realized some white people lived much differently than we did....i was runner up in the spelling bee that year...i got eliminated when i couldn't spell 'diaphragm'....now it's one of those words that i will NEVER forget...
michael cooke was my first crush...that little negro was so black...u have a hard time seeing him next to me in my fourth grade class picture...
i don't remember shit about the fifth grade except that my teacher's name was mrs. weiss and i wanted to be in mrs. dunn's class b/c she was prettier....besides...michael cooke was in her class...
i also wanted to take a moment to thank all of you that came to hang out this week...i am honored that you chose to spend time at this spot...however, i am REALLY looking forward to mia's return on monday...
8.05.2004
pop quiz...
You don't have to actually answer the questions.
Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz.. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.
Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here's another quiz.. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.
Easier?
The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards.
They are the ones that care.
8.04.2004
one monkey don't stop no show...
sometimes....something happens to u and u think the world should come to a screeching halt...if only for a moment...just to acknowledge YOU...YOUR triumphs...YOUR victories...and maybe even YOUR loss...YOUR devastation....but...there are too many things going on in this universe that r not about YOU (this line borrowed from PDL or so i'm told)...
but every now and then...don't u want it to be just about YOU?...don't u want to have selfish moments and not be able to feel any guilt about it?...sometimes...being thoughtful and considerate and caring and gracious and kind can be tiring...most of the time...it's easy...but SOMETIMES...
i want to just do what i want to do....when i want to do it...how i want to do it...why it want to do it...with no thought for how it affects anyone but me...
and sometimes...i am looking into the eyes of the world...facing my fears...hand on my hip....smile on my brave face...all the while.... i'm screaming on the inside....
I AM THE SHOWSTOPPER and IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT ME...
maybe the show should stop for one monkey....sometimes....
but every now and then...don't u want it to be just about YOU?...don't u want to have selfish moments and not be able to feel any guilt about it?...sometimes...being thoughtful and considerate and caring and gracious and kind can be tiring...most of the time...it's easy...but SOMETIMES...
i want to just do what i want to do....when i want to do it...how i want to do it...why it want to do it...with no thought for how it affects anyone but me...
and sometimes...i am looking into the eyes of the world...facing my fears...hand on my hip....smile on my brave face...all the while.... i'm screaming on the inside....
I AM THE SHOWSTOPPER and IT REALLY IS ALL ABOUT ME...
maybe the show should stop for one monkey....sometimes....
8.03.2004
the grass is NOT greener...
and as a good friend said to me recently, "sometimes, it's not even grass."
why are people always talking about they can't find a good man or a good woman, but always want to pursue someone who is already in a relationship? then...when they just so happen to get w/ that person...and the relationship is horrible and they are unhappy...they start tripping...i mean...didn't they get exactly what they asked for?...a relationship w/ someone who will lie and cheat?...u ALREADY knew when u asked to meet her/him that this person had a gf or bf or husband or wife or whatever...y not just respect the relationship and move on?...
and of course, it goes the other way....i have friends who are married or in relationships that are always into something...talking about "ain't nothing wrong w/ having friends"...i guess there is just something about the grass appearing to be greener...my thing is...pick some grass and stick with it...
it takes forever to build a relationship that lasts forever...
why are people always talking about they can't find a good man or a good woman, but always want to pursue someone who is already in a relationship? then...when they just so happen to get w/ that person...and the relationship is horrible and they are unhappy...they start tripping...i mean...didn't they get exactly what they asked for?...a relationship w/ someone who will lie and cheat?...u ALREADY knew when u asked to meet her/him that this person had a gf or bf or husband or wife or whatever...y not just respect the relationship and move on?...
and of course, it goes the other way....i have friends who are married or in relationships that are always into something...talking about "ain't nothing wrong w/ having friends"...i guess there is just something about the grass appearing to be greener...my thing is...pick some grass and stick with it...
it takes forever to build a relationship that lasts forever...
8.02.2004
prior planning...
prevents piss poor performance...how true is this?...
and i know often when we make this statement it's work related...but think about it...it can apply to just about everything u do...from the vacation u take in june to the wedding of ur dreams and really, to life in general.
You can hear people making statements like "I don't know how I found myself in this situation." or asking questions like "Why did this have to happen to me?" Most often, the answer can be found in examining the decisions that were made. It is an edict that is proven over and over again - your situation is a direct result of the choices that you have made.
When shit goes wrong in my life, I honestly cannot blame my momma or my environment of 'the Man'. I have to look to myself and take ownership of the mistakes that I make. I am the one that LET this happen.
Which brings me to my point... You CANNOT just let things happen in life. You have to take control of your decisions, your actions and in effect, your destiny. Yes, there are some things that I cannot change. I cannot change being black. I cannot change being a woman. I cannot change my past.
However, I can take control starting today. I can make conscious decisions that will lead me on a path towards satisfaction, success and happiness.
My personal mission statement:
to find happiness daily. to bring a smile to others. to let my light shine. to be consistently consistent in ALL things. to know joy.
Do you have a personal mission statement?
and i know often when we make this statement it's work related...but think about it...it can apply to just about everything u do...from the vacation u take in june to the wedding of ur dreams and really, to life in general.
You can hear people making statements like "I don't know how I found myself in this situation." or asking questions like "Why did this have to happen to me?" Most often, the answer can be found in examining the decisions that were made. It is an edict that is proven over and over again - your situation is a direct result of the choices that you have made.
When shit goes wrong in my life, I honestly cannot blame my momma or my environment of 'the Man'. I have to look to myself and take ownership of the mistakes that I make. I am the one that LET this happen.
Which brings me to my point... You CANNOT just let things happen in life. You have to take control of your decisions, your actions and in effect, your destiny. Yes, there are some things that I cannot change. I cannot change being black. I cannot change being a woman. I cannot change my past.
However, I can take control starting today. I can make conscious decisions that will lead me on a path towards satisfaction, success and happiness.
My personal mission statement:
to find happiness daily. to bring a smile to others. to let my light shine. to be consistently consistent in ALL things. to know joy.
Do you have a personal mission statement?
7.30.2004
this is a test...
this is a test of the emergency blogcast station....
had this been an actual emergency...you would have been notified accordingly...
as it stands...this blogspot exists solely for the purpose of providings Mia's Blog Addicts Anonymous a spot to get their blog fix on...
tune in next week for actual blog topics...
i ain't mia...but i will give you guys somewhere to alleviate your blog jones while she is out...
happy blogging....
we now returned to your regularly scheduled programming...
had this been an actual emergency...you would have been notified accordingly...
as it stands...this blogspot exists solely for the purpose of providings Mia's Blog Addicts Anonymous a spot to get their blog fix on...
tune in next week for actual blog topics...
i ain't mia...but i will give you guys somewhere to alleviate your blog jones while she is out...
happy blogging....
we now returned to your regularly scheduled programming...
7.08.2004
mo money...mo problems...
nick has been there for me w/ no questions since we have been together...especially with the situation w/ my truck....
and...i have helped him out...a twenty a couple of times to get him to payday...and i let him borrow $100 to get two tires put on his car after we realized that wires were showing on two of those puppies...for me...it's been no big deal...it's just how you do when you are in a relationship...
he and i used to make around the same amount...at my new job...i make about $15,000 more than he does...and i think that is causing him problems...
last night...he tells me that he's become too dependent on me...i'm like "what are you talking about? dependent in what way?"...he's like..."you know, for money and shit."...i'm like..."what does that mean?"....he says that he just needs some time to work on himself and make sure that this (meaning us) is what he wants right now....
strangely...i'm okay with that...maybe b/c i have to be...but whatever...i'm okay with it...my life doesn't stop...i'll continue doing ME...maybe...i should look into reviving my rotation....
and...i have helped him out...a twenty a couple of times to get him to payday...and i let him borrow $100 to get two tires put on his car after we realized that wires were showing on two of those puppies...for me...it's been no big deal...it's just how you do when you are in a relationship...
he and i used to make around the same amount...at my new job...i make about $15,000 more than he does...and i think that is causing him problems...
last night...he tells me that he's become too dependent on me...i'm like "what are you talking about? dependent in what way?"...he's like..."you know, for money and shit."...i'm like..."what does that mean?"....he says that he just needs some time to work on himself and make sure that this (meaning us) is what he wants right now....
strangely...i'm okay with that...maybe b/c i have to be...but whatever...i'm okay with it...my life doesn't stop...i'll continue doing ME...maybe...i should look into reviving my rotation....
7.07.2004
do i need an aa mtg?
ok...so...we all know my proverbial shit hit the fan on Friday afternoon...
if u were out...read back....get caught up...
a select few of my bfam were on hand for my rage...and subsequent meltdown after drinking a half a bottle of red, red wine on friday night....complete w/ drunken dancing, crying, calling my mother at 200am, passing out in the middle of my living room floor, throwing up and being carried to bed....
i MUST say here...thanks guys for being there...
i will also say....that it will probably be another 12 years before i drink again....
saturday morning...i woke up...amazingly not hung over...just feeling a little blah...i decided to check my email and had a response from a message that i had sent to a good friend who is currently stationed in iraq....and i got to thinking and remembering....some of the emails that I had been sending to ron...i went to my sent messages and below is the example of one that i found...
From: "CSmith"
Subject: RE: E-Card from Ronnie
To: "Ron W"
actually...i hadn't been looking for anything else...i know...stupidity on my part...i was really counting on this to come through...but hey....it still could...however...i am now on the grind working to make some other things happen....i'll keep u posted....
just so u know....if u were to ask...at some point...i would say yes....no hesitation....
take note of the last bolded line....in comparing nick's email to mine...mine reads just as horribly as his...
my mother told me that i am so determined not to take any bullshit off any n**ga that i have a tendency to run at the first sign of trouble...she told me that if i continued to do that i would always be running from man to man to man....
i need to learn that men are human and are imperfect just as i am...that i need to allow nick that room to not get it right sometimes...and when he makes an error....allow him the oppty to show me that this relationship is something that he really wants....and then IF...he fails in that...that's when i make a move...
i like my mother's advice...maybe b/c emotionally, i'm not ready to walk away from the relationship....maybe b/c i am a glutton for punishment...
who knows?...
but i do like my mother's advice...but then too...i do have to keep in mind that this is advice coming from one who is married to a drug addict....an educated, intelligent, well-spoken, sometimes extremely caring individual who i even get along w/ sometimes...but a drug addict nonetheless....
is nothing in life simple?
if u were out...read back....get caught up...
a select few of my bfam were on hand for my rage...and subsequent meltdown after drinking a half a bottle of red, red wine on friday night....complete w/ drunken dancing, crying, calling my mother at 200am, passing out in the middle of my living room floor, throwing up and being carried to bed....
i MUST say here...thanks guys for being there...
i will also say....that it will probably be another 12 years before i drink again....
saturday morning...i woke up...amazingly not hung over...just feeling a little blah...i decided to check my email and had a response from a message that i had sent to a good friend who is currently stationed in iraq....and i got to thinking and remembering....some of the emails that I had been sending to ron...i went to my sent messages and below is the example of one that i found...
From: "CSmith"
Subject: RE: E-Card from Ronnie
To: "Ron W"
actually...i hadn't been looking for anything else...i know...stupidity on my part...i was really counting on this to come through...but hey....it still could...however...i am now on the grind working to make some other things happen....i'll keep u posted....
just so u know....if u were to ask...at some point...i would say yes....no hesitation....
take note of the last bolded line....in comparing nick's email to mine...mine reads just as horribly as his...
my mother told me that i am so determined not to take any bullshit off any n**ga that i have a tendency to run at the first sign of trouble...she told me that if i continued to do that i would always be running from man to man to man....
i need to learn that men are human and are imperfect just as i am...that i need to allow nick that room to not get it right sometimes...and when he makes an error....allow him the oppty to show me that this relationship is something that he really wants....and then IF...he fails in that...that's when i make a move...
i like my mother's advice...maybe b/c emotionally, i'm not ready to walk away from the relationship....maybe b/c i am a glutton for punishment...
who knows?...
but i do like my mother's advice...but then too...i do have to keep in mind that this is advice coming from one who is married to a drug addict....an educated, intelligent, well-spoken, sometimes extremely caring individual who i even get along w/ sometimes...but a drug addict nonetheless....
is nothing in life simple?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)